Dandelions ⭒ Jaywon

4. i'm in a field of dandelions

When Jungwon woke up the next day still in Jay's arms, he panicked.

Okay, no, he didn't panic.

Why the fuck didn't he panic? He was supposed to be hating this feeling, wasn't he?

Strangely, he enjoyed it. He enjoyed the feeling of Jay's strong arms around his slender body. He found, upon trying to locate his limbs in his half-asleep state, that one of his arms was pushed awkwardly into the gap between his and Jay's body, and the other across Jay's chest, resting lightly just under the older's ear.

That's when a vague memory of last night floated into Jungwon's head. The memory involved him waking up, but it was still night, he woke up to Jay's face above him, and he...

What the fuck?

Had he really kissed Jay's chin while he was half asleep?

"I can't be in love with him, I simply can't!"

But that didn't explain why he actually enjoyed the gentle thrum of Jay's heartbeat, or why he actually felt safe and secure in Jay's arms.

"...can I possibly be in love with him? No, of course not. I just like cuddles. I'm just nice to Jay. And nice also involves cuddling. But in a platonic way. Yes, platonic cuddles, they exist."

Jay began to stir under Jungwon's body, and the younger boy quickly shut his eyes to pretend like he was asleep. He even unintentionally held his breath in fear. When Jungwon opened one of his eyes to peek, Jay caught him and smiled.

"Good morning, Jungwon," he greeted, his morning voice, an octave lower than his usual voice, sending shivers down Jungwon's spine and butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

"G-good morning," the younger stuttered. Fuck.

"Did you sleep okay?" All this care that Jay gave Jungwon didn't help at all. Usually, he was indifferent to it. Of course, he appreciated the efforts that Jay made; he made amazing food, and was fun to watch movies with, like last night. But love? No.

"Yeah, you?"

It was strange how they acted so normal while they were in a very far from normal situation. Jungwon had his limbs wrapped around Jay like a koala, they had one shared blanket draped over both of them, and Jay's fingers were laced into Jungwon's hair, the pads of his fingers warm against the younger's scalp. Yet, they talked how they normally did, whenever they interacted during the day in college or otherwise.

"I slept fine too."

Jungwon took a deep breath in and stretched, unknowingly pulling himself closer to Jay. Jay was a little surprised, but was most definitely enjoying it.

So was Jungwon.

No way, no way.

Jungwon instinctively pulled away, leaving both him and Jay feeling a little empty.

To defend himself, he voiced, "I'll go make us breakfast."

Dejected, Jay could only nod as Jungwon heaved himself off the couch and yawned, stretching again, much like a cat.

Though Jungwon focused on flipping the pancakes on the stove, his mind was really elsewhere.

Why did I like it? Why didn't I move away?

I can't fall in love.

Jungwon hated this feeling. He wanted to scrape it off of him. But at the same time he relished it. He never wanted to let go of it.

"Even if I do love him, I can't do anything. He's going to hurt me."

Jungwon wanted to throw a knife at Jay and stab him in the heart, so maybe he could go back home. But he secretly wanted to stay and watch Jay stay there and be his domestic, adorable self. He wanted to go and wrap his arms around Jay and...