Dandelions ⭒ Jaywon

5. bloodstains

(tw // suicide, blood, violence and self harm)

As the days went by, Jay treated Jungwon like a porcelain vase: fragile. He didn't want to lose the softened Jungwon he'd just earned. But Jungwon never expressed it, so he wouldn't say it was love, just yet. It was probably acceptance. Acceptance that they'd eventually, one day, probably in the far future, love each other.

Jay and Jungwon were on their way back from college one day, sitting silently in the car, Jay's arm on the steering wheel, his other resting on the open window. There was something grim about the way his face was set. Some bizarre, complex emotion that Jay was bottling up, and it was evident that it was eating him up inside. Jungwon noticed, and for the first time, he felt like genuinely wrapping his arms around Jay and comforting him. Allowing him to cry into his shoulder and completely drench his shirt sleeve. And it wasn't to keep the promise.

For the first time, he felt love towards Jay.

'maybe Dalhyun is right,' he thought inwardly, 'maybe Jay isn't like other people.'

Once again, he turned to look at Jay, and he saw tears beginning to fill his eyes.

"Jay?" Jungwon asked softly.

"Hm?" Jay blinked furiously so as to not let Jungwon see.

"Are you alright?" Fucking stupid question to ask, yeah.
"I'm fine," Jay snapped. He didn't mean for it to be so snarky, but it was.

Jungwon decided not to question further. He simply zipped his lips and gazed out the window at the landscape of buildings and occasional trees.

It was just a fifteen minute drive to their house, but that day, it felt like five hours. Jungwon pretended to not notice when a couple of tears slipped out of Jay's eyes, but it shattered him from within.

The younger boy wanted to hold him close to his chest and soothe Jay as he ran his fingers through his hair. He wanted to tell him that everything would be alright.

But he probably wouldn't open up...

As soon as they got home, Jay retreated to his room and slammed the door shut. Jungwon flinched at the loud bang of the door against the frame, and it took him a moment to recompose himself. He walked up to the room and was about to knock when he heard lots of loud banging and a scream too. He tried the handle: it was locked. He pressed his ear to the door, its polished oak cool to the touch. He heard faint sobs this time, and his heart ached to go comfort him.

But what if he was the problem?

Jungwon froze. He began recalling moments from his past lives. Especially that one time when he was acting so aggressively to this guy that the guy nearly strangled Jungwon. This guy didn't know how to express sadness, and therefore had anger issues. Hence, the strangling. Unable to bear a relationship with that guy, Jungwon slit his wrists and ended his life in the bathtub, swimming in a pool of scarlet blood and water. What if he's doing the same to Jay? What if he's put so much hate towards Jay that the poor boy can't take it anymore? What if Jay's trying to kill himself in there?

At that very moment, the door opened, revealing Jay in shambles, anger knitting his brows.

"Knew it," he growled, "haven't you heard of privacy?" Jay screamed at Jungwon who was still stone-faced with shock. Jay's fists were clenched, which didn't help relieve the flashbacks Jungwon was having. In his mind, Jay was already punching him, trying to kill him.

"I-I just wanted to check on you—"

"Just leave me alone! You don't have to act like you care!"

That single sentence broke Jungwon. He just discovered that he was truly in love with Jay, and to now hear that from him was devastating.