Dandelions ⭒ Jaywon

8. another sleepless night

(tw // trauma, blood, abuse, non-con [not between jaywon])

However, in all honesty, the whole thing tensed Jungwon quite a bit. Years of trauma repeated multiple times can scar you. And it was no different for Jungwon. Though he loved Jay to bits, there was always a lingering feeling, like thick oil on his skin, that Jay would do something to hurt him. Jay held himself with caution too, because he knew, deep down, that Jungwon would feel that way.

Trust isn't an easy thing to build. It's like teaching a newborn baby to walk, holding their hand initially, and taking every precaution to not let them fall. Then when eventually they do stumble, you rush over and scoop them up in your arms and feel ever so guilty for letting their hand go at that moment. But you also know that if you don't leave their hand, if they don't fall, they'll never learn.

It also takes a lifetime to repair, once it's been ripped into shreds and trampled on, leaving you with only tattered fragments to piece together. It was exactly like that for Jungwon. He did love Jay but was always cautious. He had multiple nightmares every night, sometimes they were just flashbacks of all the disgusting things people had done to him, sometimes they were new faceless people strangling him, seducing him, catcalling, and of course, attacking him with guns and knives.

Jay wanted to keep Jungwon close to him and protect him from the outside world, and any possible creeps that could do all sorts of unimaginable horrors to him. He too, often woke up from nightmares of Jungwon lying dead in a pool of blood in the middle of the streets, or him yelling "Jay! Help me!" while he was being kidnapped, and Jay standing there uselessly.

When either of them had one of those nightmares, they'd wake up in a screaming, bawling mess, and it always broke the other's heart when they were comforting each other.

That night, both of them were just lazing around at about 8:30 when they realised there was nothing to cook for dinner. They didn't feel like ordering anything either. Yes, both of them were incredibly picky.

"Shall I go out and get some stuff to cook?" Jay asked, getting off the couch and pulling on a random jacket he found.

"No, Jay," Jungwon whined, "You've been on your feet all day. I'll go."

"Jungwon," Jay said a little too sternly by accident, making Jungwon flinch a little. "I'm sorry, love," he apologised as he quickly rushed over to envelope Jungwon in a hug and kiss the top of his head.

"I'll go, Jay, please relax."

"It's not safe out there, Jungwon. Fucking drunkards are on the loose here. Didn't you see the news the other day?" Jungwon knew it was risky, or whatever, but... the grocery store was just around the corner, he'd be back in literally ten minutes. He put forward this reason to Jay, and after a bit of thought, Jay agreed to let him go. He couldn't hold back the boy like he was his property either.

"If you're not back in fifteen minutes, I'm coming to look for you. Deal?" Jay asked, holding out his hand.

"Deal," Jungwon sighed, placing his hand in Jay's. He leaned forward to kiss his boyfriend on the lips a few times before going to change his clothes.

Jungwon put on loose black sweats under his white t-shirt and stepped out of the house. Jay bit his lip anxiously and his leg shook non-stop.

I just hope he's going to be okay...

Jungwon wasn't too nervous. He mostly walked around the brighter, well-lit places, and made it to the grocery shop, bought ramen, meat, sauces and some vegetables and eggs, and was on his way home, when a man in a black shirt and jeans asked him for directions to a certain place.