Mr. Perfect

Thirty-Seven

Amelia

Thirty-Six weeks later,

"Amelia, Just breathe," Louis held my hand, I slapped it away. Like breathing is going to fix everything.

He held my hand again, tightly this time. "Breathe with me okay?"

"Louis, shut the fuck up!" I yelled. Why does he want me to breathe so much? It's not like breathing is going to stop my vagina from expanding and pushing a human being with – what feels like – a gigantic head.

Jake held my hand on the other side, "It's okay, you've got this." I glared at him. what does he mean 'You've got this' does he think I don't know that? Does he think that I think I don't 'Got' this? "I know that!" I groaned.

"Okay, let me check you." Dr. Adams entered the room. She sat in front of my spread legs, "Are you ready to be a Mama?" Dr. Adams pearly white teeth beamed at me. Does she think that I'm not ready to be a fucking Mama? That bitch.

"Of course I am." I tried to sound calm so she doesn't mess up my baby.

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

Twenty weeks pregnant,

"It's a girl." Jake excitedly whispered as we made our way to Dr. Adams office. He thinks it's a girl. It's a boy though. I know it is. Google says that when my belly is pointing downwards it's a boy. My belly isn't so big, but I know it's pointing downwards.

She greeted us and made me lay on the bed there while she started laying the cold gel on my belly.

I held Jake's hand as she started running the wand on my belly. I couldn't help but think of Marcus. If he was here he'd hold my hand tightly, just like Jake is holding it now. He'd kiss my forehead and say a sweet something before he looks back at the screen.

"Stop!" they both froze.

"Can we take a picture?" I asked Dr. Adams. She smiled, nodding. I asked Jake to place the phone somewhere and just record a video. I'm going to show it to Marcus when he comes back.

Dr. Adams and Jake thought it was a sweet idea.

She started running the wand on my belly once again. She counted ten fingers on his hands and ten toes on his feet. She said he's a healthy baby. Except she didn't say he, she said, 'the baby has ten fingers... you're growing a healthy baby...'

"Can you tell us what she's growing now?" Jake asked.

She focused on the screen for some time before uttering, "You're having a baby boy!"

My eyes grew wider, I felt my lower lip tremble, "I am?" my voice is so low, I don't think they could hear me. But... I am having a baby boy. I was right. My baby is a boy. I swallowed, "I'm having a baby boy..." I smiled, looking at Jake.

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

Thirty-Six weeks later,

My baby isn't crying.

It's been two minutes.

Why isn't my baby crying?

What did I do wrong?

"Is he okay? Did I hurt him?" I sniffled. One of the nurses came and wiped my cheek, "He's going to be okay,"

"Did I hurt him?" she shook her head, "He's just having some trouble breathing."

I kept nodding, my hands trembling tremendously. Please God, let him be okay, I can't lose him. Please let him be okay. Please... my mind is blank. The only thing I'm thinking about is him. Is he in pain because of me? He's only lived for two minutes and he's already hurt, he's already suffering because of me. Please he has to be okay. I'd go through labor again, twice, thrice, a hundred times... just let him be okay. Please...

The room is so loud, yet so silent. So full, yet so empty. So dim, yet so annoyingly light. Everything is so wrong.

A sound filled the room... the most beautiful sound I had ever heard in my entire life. Suddenly, the room isn't silent. Isn't empty. Isn't annoying. Isn't wrong. Everything is so right.

The same nurse laid my son on my chest. He's so tiny and so beautiful. His lips are pouty and so pink. He has rounded but tiny cheeks. His eyes are closed. He doesn't have any eyebrows. My son is a tiny Marcus. He has his birthmark, it's so small, so light, so different. But it's also the same. I chuckled, bringing my finger to his tiny hand – he held it. I didn't know I had such big fingers compared to his. He's holding onto my one finger so tightly but it's also the most gentle thing I had ever felt. It's so warm.

"Hello... it's Mama, do you recognize my voice?" does he know what 'recognize' means? Is it a big word? "Do you remember my voice?" I hope that's better. My baby just moved his face in annoyance, maybe he hates my voice. "I love you." I kissed his tiny little nose.

"What's his name?" Jake asked. I've been keeping his name a secret. No one knows his name... no on except John. I don't know why but I decided to tell him when he called me last month. He got so excited because he thought I was going to name him 'John'.

"Lucas."

No one knows why I chose that name in particular. No one except for Marcus and I. Paintball. I fell in love with that name. Bringer of light is its meaning. I hope Lucas would bring joy and light and love to my life. Just like his father did.

Lucas's cheeks moved in some type of way. Is that a... smile? My baby boy is so beautiful. He has two dimples. My dimples. They're so soft on his cheeks, like mine.

"Look he has my dimples!" I pointed at his cheeks. "And look Marcus's birthmark!" I pointed at his brow-less forehead.

Jake snorted, "He's so small."

Even though he doesn't have eyebrows yet, he has a lot of hair. It's almost long enough to lay on his ears. Okay, maybe not that long... but it's still impressive.

He's so impressive and he's my son.

xx