philia | mmm+bts

[11] I am Not Jealous

A/N

Hello! it has been way too long since the chapter 10 update. i know i said once a month and i'm super sorry for the long delay, but life and work has been so annoying and busy and i can't write to save my life.

anyway. here's the long awaited (or not) chapter 11! a lil bit shorter than chapter 10, but still quite eventful nonetheless.

also, i'd like to take this chance to announce an official semi-hiatus for philia. one, because i got work and it's been taking most of my time. two, i just... kinda lost motivation on this story? i'm not usually someone who wants to stop writing a story especially if they're already published halfway. but maybe doing work alongside all this just made it even worse. i don't want to continue writing if everything i'm publishing is just gonna be shit, i'd rather postpone it a week or so to edit it and make sure it's good. so i don't want to force myself to write, and then the result is not good. so, after much thinking, i made the decision to go on a semi-hiatus.

by semi-hiatus i meant i'm still gonna be updating, in a very unscheduled schedule, and whenever possible. i'm still gonna finish it. i just don't know when.

i've also decided that, in the mean time, while i try to gather my motivation to write philia again, i'm going to write shorter passages and possibly publish it if the quality is good enough. they're most likely going to be in ao3 though, since i can't be bothered with making covers anymore and i just feel like the tagging system is so much better in ao3. i might post a book with a collection of it, but again, no promises.

anyway. that's a pretty long author's note. i'll leave yall at that. have a great day, enjoy the chapter, don't forget to leave a vote and a comment!

—w.

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I am Not Jealous

september 2020

"What is it now?"

Okay, maybe that wasn't the best opener, but I have told her to call Jin if she got problems. And we both know that she does.

That's right. She called me.

"Byul, answer me," I insisted when she didn't even look up.

What kind of person calls someone to visit them, and then not even look at the person they called? Only Byul, everyone. Only Byul.

I wanted to wait patiently, because I do know she has trouble talking to people, but she had just called me when I was in the middle of something important (yes, eating is important), and now she's not talking.

"Why did you call me here?" I asked. Again.

She shook her head. "I don't know, I just felt like I had to."

"You don't know?" what the actual fuck. "You just felt like it?"

Yeah, no. No more patience. She just made me not able to enjoy my sandwich. My beautiful, tasty sandwich that is now cold. Bye bye warm sandwich.

"Look I—" she sighed. Her eyebrows scrunched up and I can see the gears in her head turning. She looked like she's actually stressed and I felt kind of bad. "I don't think I can do this anymore."