London's Calling : Ed Sheeran Fanfiction [Wattys 2015]

Chapter 32: I'm Sorry

Ed's POV:

"I'm sorry."

The words fumbled from her mouth as she looked down and slipped her hand from mine.

I was astonished. Was she really blaming herself for this?

"Leylah... I...you didn't do anything."

"Except I did. My body rejected our baby."

I couldn't help it. I leaned onto the bed and covered my whole face with my arms and the tears would not stop.

"I sent you into that damn coma!" I didn't know if she could understand what I was saying due to the fact that my breath would not come.

"No Ed. I don't accept that."

I looked up at her and hated how I was starting to get angry. "Leylah, please don't blame yourself."

"And don't blame yourself" she finally looked up to me with hurt eyes. When she made eye contact with me for more than 3 seconds, her chest heaved and her eyes furrowed. She closed her eyes and cried, but only a few tears fell. Her body ran out. "I'm just so sorry."

"No, Leylah th-"

"Ed. No." she grabbed my hand again. "I know that you would have been a perfect dad. A kid really couldn't ask for a better one."

I took in her words and sat in awe at the way that she would not let me blame myself even though I so clearly was to blame.

"I guess it just didn't work out" she sighed and sniffled. I wiped the tears from under her eyes as best as I could with my thumb and she grabbed my hand in the process. As her eyes closed again she began to rock and her thumb rolled over my knuckles. "I bet she would have had your hands" and I could feel her cheeks widen in a smile under my fingers, "and nose, and probably your eyes too" she was still slightly swaying, "Ben's eyes" and she tried to hold back a sob. She let go of my hand. She fell silent and layed down on her back and directed her gaze to the ceiling, "What's wrong with me Ed?" she whispered. "Don't even act like there's nothing, because every time I do something it ends poorly. I don't mean for everything I do to go wrong, it just happens."

There was a time I remember that we took a walk and ended up in the park looking at the ducks for a solid 2 hours. We just sat on the bench and made up stories for all of them and just couldn't stop talking. After sitting for so long, I began to get hungry and flat out impatient and grumpy.

"Can we go now love, I'm starving" I could tell that she could hear the irritation in my voice.

"I think I can help you" she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the nearest tree with shade and sat down. She patted the grass next to her, "I'm all lonely down here" and I scoffed and sat in the cushioned grass.

"What are we doing, Ley? I'm hungry remember. "

" You need this more than food right now, love. I promise " she smiled a huge grin and layed down, slowing her breathing. "Come on, lay down. Please?" she looked up at me and I pouted like a 4 year old, but layed in the grass, being tickled by the blades that surrounded my face. "Okay, close your eyes" I looked over and hers closed with ease and quite quickly, but after a few moments, they shot open and looked at me through the corners. I had so obviously not been following this direction, "Edward Sheeran, I am just trying to help you" she said it with a grumpy tone and I almost laughed if I wasn't afraid that I'd offend her.

I closed my eyes and I heard her quietly say thank you to me. "Now, lay flat with your palms up" I did what she said and remained just as confused as I was before. "Ball up your fists with all your strength now" I hesitated and then her right hand slipped in my left and sent a wave of shivers down my spine.

Within 30 seconds, we were both so tense that our bodies were trembling. I could hear her breaths getting shorter and more intense. "Now just let it go" and she relaxed her hand in mine with our fingers still crossed together. "Fill yourself with air and just float away, like a balloon."

I relaxed my entire body and could imagine myself floating through the air as a balloon and could practically feel myself being lifted off the ground. I felt a shift next to me and next thing I knew, I felt her warm and soft lips on my nose then wandered to my forehead. "You're my little airhead" she whispered into my ear and giggled, planting one last kiss on my temple and I fluttered my eyes open. "How do you feel now?" the sun was completely blocked now with her body that was hovering over me and her hair was around my face.

"That was was wicked incredible."

She laughed through her nose and her body came down onto mine so her torso was on my chest and her legs were at my side. She rested her left hand down over my ribs and placed her chin in between her knuckles. The other hand traced up my arm and rested on my shoulder, again causing me to shiver. "Good" I could tell that she was pleased with her work. I think that out of instinct, her free hand brushed a few of the hair's that the breeze was blowing into my eyes. I did not break her gaze, and there was silence for some time.

"Where did you learn to do that?"

"I actually made it up" she chuckled. "Yeah, I used to get really angry because people didn't seem to understand me when I was younger and so I would come home and practice flying away like a balloon with Ben. Honestly, I'm surprised that he didn't beat me to the idea" she smiled and sighed. "We mastered it together and I've been using it ever since. Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes I just need to think about what's bothering me way too much, then just release it and realize that it was meant to happen and there's not point in getting angry about having a life and living it. No matter what it throws at me. "

I wish I could take her back to that moment and let her feel what I did the fist time I flew away. The release was intoxicating and time slurred together as the feeling took me over.

Her eyes closed and I found her hands and leaned over her. I wrapped my hands around hers and formed fists. I let my lips brush hers and I told her, "Squeeze and fly away, love" she sighed and her fists became tense and shook, "good. Now let go" her breath slowed and her brow unfurrowed. "Better?" and I waited.

"I will be" and she slipped her hands from mine, rolling onto her side.

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Here you go guys, and Ed segment and flashback. If you are wondering, this actually does work, I do it all the time. Especially when I get really bad. I wonder if I actually did make it up, but someone else probably does it too. Anyways, remember to tell me what you think of the chapter in the comments and I will talk to you back. Thanks to @sorrybutyouarenoted for giving me comments and following me on instagram. She's the real MVP ❤. My personal is laurynthepeach, it be lovely if you followed. If you do, DM me and I'll respond ASAP. I love you all and will write again very soon! Stay beautiful X :) ❤