Wanna Be My Boyfriend?

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Stiles sighs loudly as he walks up the steps to the Hale house for another boring meeting. Now don't get him wrong, the meetings aren't the issue; Stiles likes spending time with the pack and helping deal with whatever sort of monsters they're currently facing. His issue is with the couples of the pack, Scott and Isaac, Erica and Boyd, Lydia and Parrish, Jackson and Ethan, etc., that are always badgering him about when he'll get himself a girlfriend or boyfriend.
Of course Stiles would love to have one or the other (seeing as he's bisexual and can admire both genders as equally attractive), but he's just not actively looking for one at the moment. He's so busy with his college classes and the struggles of pack life that it's not very high on his "to do" list. He would love to have someone to go home to at night and snuggle with, or someone to laugh and go on dates with, but it's just not in the cards for him right now.
"Stiles! Hey! Did you get my message?" Lydia smiles as the young spark walks in through the door and Stiles sighs but nods.
Scott smirks from the couch he's sitting on next to Isaac.
"And? Are you going to go for it?" He asks curiously.
"I appreciate the offer but I don't really need you guys playing match maker for me. Thanks though." Stiles sighs as he places his bag down and peels off his coat, throwing it on top of it.
"But Sydney is soooo nice!" Lydia pouts.
"Yes, she is, I've met her numerous times. She's not really my type." Stiles groans and plops himself on the last available couch cushion next to Derek.
"Sourwolf, tell them I don't need a matchmaker. I'm perfectly happy with my single life." Stiles whines and Derek lets out a huff before nodding.
"Guys, leave Stiles alone." Derek says in a monotone voice, not bothering to look up from his book.
"Real enthusiastic there Der." Stiles glares at him and Derek reaches over to pinch Stiles' thigh.
"We just don't want you to end up sad and alone!" Isaac pouts.
"I'M 21?! Do you really have no hope for me?!" Stiles gasps out, slightly insulted and Isaac stutters before Scott chimes in.
"No!! It's not that, it's just that you've never seemed too interested in dating." He argues sheepishly.
"Disagree! I pined after Lydia for years!" Stiles fights back, Lydia smirking as she brushes her hair off her shoulder swiftly.
"Yeah, and that ended like 3 years ago!" Jackson pipes in from the kitchen.
"Well what about Derek?! He's been single for years." Stiles points to the Alpha wolf and Derek looks up concerned to be brought into the conversation.
"Okay but like that's explainable!" Scott argues and Derek still looks confused.
"Yeah, relationships tend not to end well for me. You know with them usually ending with attempted murder at the very least?" Derek shrugs turning back to his book.
It's Stiles' turn to smack the wolf now, muttering something about "quit being a smart-ass".
"Well, settle this for us then; is there someone you have a crush on? Someone you could imagine yourself with?" Kira asks from the corner of the room where she's tucked away typing on her laptop.
Stiles stutters trying to find any words to say but his brain fails to piece anything together.
The thing is is that he does have someone he cares for deeply, and he would love the chance to go out with them, but as he quite literally just said "relationships tend not to work out for me".
A bright red surfaces and takes over Stiles' face and the pack is now gushing with excitement.
"Who is it?"
"Are they cute?"
"Do we know them?"
Stiles panics with all of the questions flying at him and can feel his heart rate begin quicken.
Derek, clearly noticing this, looks at the people surrounding them, sets his book down and turns to Stiles.
"I guess we should tell them huh?" He says to Stiles, to which Stiles is completely confused and is about to ask "what on earth are you talking about?" when Derek clears his throat and announces something that makes Stiles' heart drop to his stomach.
"We're dating, Stiles and I. So I'd appreciate if you'd stop trying to set him up with other people."
Stiles once again smacks the Alpha and looks at him with complete shock and confusion.
Scott lets out a shocked yell, Lydia and Erica let out squeals loud enough to deafen Stiles' human hearing, and the rest of the pack is a mixture of shock and disbelief.
"When did this happen?!" Isaac exclaims and Derek calmly states "about 1 month ago."
"Why didn't you tell us?" Scott asks.
"It's new, we're still working on it. But you guys wouldn't drop it so I thought it was best to tell you." He explains before turning to Stiles, "Sorry babe."
Stiles' heart melts at Derek calling him 'Babe' and he shakes his head slightly, grabbing onto Derek's arm and tugging gently, the other man not moving.
"I need to speak with you, right now!" He says sternly and tugs on Derek's arm once more, making the Alpha stand up and follow him out the front door.
He pulls the other man deeper into the woods so they're out of earshot from the pack, before casting an extra sound-barrier spell for added caution.
He takes a moment to collect his thoughts and finally looks up at the wolf, who is very concerned for the younger man right now.
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!" He screams before smacking Derek for the third time in less than an hour.
"They were bothering you, and this got them to stop." Derek shrugs.
"Yes, but now they think we're dating! Which we are very much not!" Stiles explodes and Derek sighs before moving a step closer to Stiles.
"Hey, calm down a little okay? We've got this okay? I'm not completely stupid."
"What do you mean 'we've got this'? Got what?!" Stiles argues.
"We're going to pretend to date, you and me. For a month or two. Then we tell them it just wasn't working for us and we're better off as friends. Done!" Derek explains and Stiles wants to slap the smug look off of his face.
"Okay, that would work for like, maybe my dad. This is the pack we're talking about here. They are going to push, and push, and push some more because we are the equivalent to their parents now. You're the alpha, and now I'm supposedly dating the alpha making me the mom or whatever." Stiles groans.
"Stiles, you were the mom before any of this and you know that." Derek smirks and Stiles wants to scream.
"I know that! But now it'll feel real for them and it'll only complicate things!" Stiles sighs and Derek shakes his head with a chuckle.
"We'll be fine, we're two of the smartest brains this pack has-"
"What about Lydia?"
"Yes, including Lydia." Derek nods.
"What if they try to get us to do things? Like they ask us to kiss or hug, or go on a triple date?" Stiles sighs and Derek chuckles.
"Pretty sure I could suffer through all of those things, I've likely done worse. Now if they asked us to shoot a porno we'd have an issue but-" he's cut off by the forth smack of the day.
"Would you quit hitting me?! This relationship is turning abusive!" Derek laughs and Stiles screams before chasing him back to the house, aiming fireballs at him along the way.

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