quackity angst

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Many tw
Quackity pov

I walked around hopelessly, feeling somber and worn.

Today had taken the spirit out of me and I felt like nothing but an empty shell.

I felt so ashamed for the way I was, ashamed to be alive, ashamed to be who I am in the current moment.

Never had I ever felt more of an urge.

An urge to run.

An urge to go far until my lungs give out.

An urge to jump from a cliff over an ocean and sink deep into the water.

An urge to invite the salty sea water below into my body and slowly drift into another place.

An urge.
To.
Be.
Dead.

I wanted to be far away from the shame.

I wanted to be so far away that even I didn't know where I was.

I didn't want to be a boy.
Not a girl.
Not even a Human.

I never wanted to be anything.

I was still walking, thinking everything over, everything that my day held.

Everything my week held.

The thought of taking a blade to my skin and watching the crimson spill sounded the most fruitful.

I was so sick, so tired of everything.

I wanted to have the sweet release of being home.

I noticed tears spilling from my eyes.

I felt so weak, so breakable. My walking slowed as I fell to my knees and sobbed.

I pulled my hat off and grabbed at my hair.

I screamed at tears rushed down my cheeks.

Everything bad that had stuck with me was swimming around my head.

I grabbed at my chest and gasped for air.

Why couldn't I be normal?

Why couldn't I just be a good person?

Why do I drive people away?

I'm so sick of myself

Slowly I stood back up and started walking again, my legs knew where I wanted to be.

I ended up at the the cliffs edge.

I felt the wind blow in my direction.

I looked down at the water and felt as if I were possessed.

I took a step back.

I ran off the edge.

I was flying in the air before I was submerged into the cold ocean water.

Immediately the water filled my lungs.

A burning sensation whipped at me.

I screamed and grabbed at my throat, fighting to get to the top of the water.

Slowly my vision began to darken, I was sinking farther down deep, deep into the dark and cold Dept of the ocean.

I fell into a deep dark void.

I was no longer there

I was at piece

I give up

I don't care anymore

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