redefine | calum hood

seventeen

Seventeen

Maddie

"Let's check out what is happening," Ashton said. I nodded as I leaned back against the wall. As Ashton checked out her breathing, "Still pretty congested," he mumbled. "How is the inhaler?" he asked after pulling his stethoscope away. I just shrugged in response and picked at my nails. "Does it help?" I honestly have no idea, my chest constantly hurt.

"I guess," I mumbled.

"Have you set up any appointments with Luke?" he asked Calum and he nodded.

"Tomorrow she has one,"

"Good," Ashton said. The rest of the check up went pretty quick, but I was still tired. No matter how much I slept I was always tired. "I can prescribe her some decongestant nose spray, but the main things that will help are a humidifier, allergy medicine, and fresh air,"

"Alright," Calum nodded.

"If you text now Sierra can pick up a humidifier, I can tell Maddie's tired," he looked back at me. "How have you been sleeping?"

"My chest hurts a lot," I mumbled as I held my chest. "And I get nightmares a lot,"

"You can always come get us if you are upset or in pain," Calum reminded me, moving my hair out of my face, which was a way to get me to look at them, but I kept my stare in my lap. "You're going through a hard time, you shouldn't hide away when you need help,"

"Ok," I nodded.

"Next time you wake up and need help just come get us," Calum said and I nodded. After I finished my appointment, we went back to the house and I went upstairs to sleep while Calum did some work from home. I curled under the duvet and put in earbuds to listen to music.

Calum gave me everything, they all did. I had a room, a bed, food, clothes, everything I needed, and yet I still can't be happy. All that runs through my mind is the nights where my brothers drugged me. I didn't remember much, just bits and pieces from it, but my mind was piecing things together and I was left terrified. There are so many gaps for things I cannot remember, and whatever happened in those moments terrified me. All I wanted was to remember, and I couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. It frustrated me to no extent. So much happened, so much was lost, and I'll never know.

My mind wandered for a long time until I forced myself to fall asleep. I only woke up when someone was shaking me awake, making me whine and pull the covers closer to me, "Come get lunch, darling, you need to eat," Crystal's voice filled the room.

"Later," I muttered.

"It's just you, me, and Sierra, we can go out after, but you have to eat," she told me. I tried to fall back asleep, but Crystal wouldn't let me, so I finally gave up and got up, following her downstairs. The three of us sat around the table eating caesar salad, which I liked but wasn't hungry for. I wasn;t hungry at all, but everyone was concerned about my weight, so I had to eat.
"We can go get you some new clothes, Calum left his card," Sierra offered.

"I don't need anything," I disagreed.

"You've been wearing all of our clothes since you got here, and none of them fit. You need clothes," she told me.

"I don't want anyone to waste their money," I sighed.

"It's not a waste, this is something you need. And you're part of our family now, Mad. We want to be there for you and help you however we can," Sierra explained and I nodded, looking down.

"Plus it gives us an excuse to go out away from all the guys," Crystal nudged me, making me giggle.

"I guess,"

"Perfect," she grinned.