Does he know? | ✓

xii

Felix stalked his way to a certain someone who has been fiddling nervously with his fingers on a far table at the corner of a café they used to frequent.

The boy's head tilted up and they held gazes as Felix took the sit in front of him. It's the first time in weeks that they've seen each other since Felix decided to avoid the other until he's ready enough to face him again.

After his talk with Hyunjin, convincing the older to not do anything and just leave it to him, it took him several days to finally unblock his ex's number and ask to have a talk. And there they are. Face to face, with the other being too nervous and the other one void of emotions.

"Felix..." The boy trailed off with utter sadness in his voice and such forlorn look in his eyes.

Felix waved his hand off ineptly, signalling him to stop as he called on a server to order a bunch of food.

He smiled and thanked the man before finally averting his gaze back to a certain dirt on the opposite side of the table. His blank face back once again.

"I'll listen. What's your excuse?" He demands, resting his head on his palms.

"I-I... Felix, I don't-"Nigel sucked in a breath, trying to compose himself, "I don't have an excuse. I k-know that what I did is wrong and-and I have wronged you. I just want to say sorry. I'm really sorry."

Silence took over them after Nigel had spoken. It was so suffocating and Felix hopes it's enough to kill the other so he wouldn't have to dirty his hands. He wants Nigel to drink out all the awkwardness and silent rage until his lungs couldn't take it anymore and he drowns in them.

He scoffs bitterly.

"Did you even like me?" He asked the most disturbing question that has been chewing up on him since that day. Because even though he wouldn't say it, he did like Nigel a lot and he's regretting it so much. The boy in front of him doesn't deserve his affections.

Nigel's lips twitched. His head hanging even lower, but he met Felix's eyes after a while.

"I did, over time." Said Nigel, truthfully. "But not enough to make me choose you. I did like you... but not as much as I like Hy-Hyunjin." The boy gulped down nervously, averting his eyes once again. "I planned to get close to you so maybe I could shot my chance with him but he turned me down so harshly. He didn't even spare me a glance the whole time I was confessing my love for him. Hell, he didn't even let me finish! He made it clear to me that he wasn't interested in me and I felt so embarrassed and petty and I just wanted to get back at him in any way I can... so I asked you to be my boyfriend instead just to spite him."

Felix felt his throat drying at the other's confession. He closed his eyes tightly, clenching his fists too tight that he felt his nails dig into his palms. A warm, blazing feeling started swirling in the pit of his stomach as he felt his blood boil under his skin at the mention of his best friend and the whole thing itself. It was so dirty and disgusting.

He can't believe he let a trash like him in his life. How utterly disappointed he is in himself.

How fucking annoying. How dare this bitch?

He wanted to slam Nigel's head on the table at that very moment but he gathered all his will to stop himself from commiting a crime in broad daylight.

That's not classy at all. So not his style.

"So you're originally interested in my best friend, huh? How stupid." His scoffed, "You should've known he doesn't swing our way. He only dated girls before."

"Then why does he look at you like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you're the most beautiful thing in this world."

"Am I not beautiful?" Asked Felix in his mono-tone voice. Not showing how taken aback he was from what he just heard while deep inside, he's already becoming a jumbled mess.

Nigel visibly panics as he immediately shifted his gaze from his hands back to Felix. "No, Felix. I've always thought you were one of the most beautiful."

"I know." Felix hummed confidently.

"But that's not what I mean, Felix. If you haven't got it yet, I'm telling you that he looks at you like he loves you so much."

The familiar feeling that Felix had tried so hard to bury inside his heart in a gentle white coffin was threatening to resurrect from the dead, hearing Nigel's statement.

His heart beginning to swell with an emotion he didn't really need since he knows it's impossible. It will never happen.

"You don't know what you're saying." He said, his voice sounded so in-denial and defensive even in his own ears that he just wanna slap himself.

"Oh, but I do, Felix. And you look at him the same way, too."

There were a stretch of silence between them after Nigel's stupid allegations. Felix couldn't deny nor confirm anything since he really doesn't know. Everything has swiftly shifted from one thing to another that he couldn't really catch up with shit anymore.

He sucked in a breath, then released it shakily.

He decided to once again, shove painfully all of the unneeded emotions back to their graves at the moment and just decided to focus on the matter at hand, before locking eyes with Nigel whose demeanor had become a bit more relaxed, and it irks him.

"Let's end it here." Felix stated.

Nigel's face became that of a sad one once again as he nodded his head, "I'm really sorry about what happened, Felix."

"I know." He does. He can see it in his eye. The regret and sincerity he wants to convey through his words. "But I'm not here to give you the forgiveness that you seek. I won't grant you that peace. What you did is beyond painful. It was low. Too low. And what hurts the most is that I've never taken you for someone who lives in the dirt. I hope you always remember me when you see him. It might not be enough to break you two, but it would coat you with unease and I hope it makes you as uncomfortable as I was when I saw you two at the bed together that nightmarish night, because I'm a brat and I can be real petty when I want to."

Felix isn't a bad person, really. But saying he doesn't enjoy seeing Nigel visibly shrank in embarrassment and remorse, fiddling with his hands and trying his best averting his gaze would be an awful lie.

He feels great relief now that it's finally over and that he already said what he wanted to say.

He smiled victoriously, getting up on his feet simultaneously to the food he just ordered arriving.

Tray after tray of different drinks and desserts came to their table, making the other man on the table tilt his head in puzzlement.

"Like I said, I could be real petty when I want to. Let's try to avoid each other in the future." He sent him one last glare, his eyes being uncharacteristically sharp. "And don't you ever come close to my Hyunjin." He then left the café with a dumbfounded Nigel still sitting foolishly with mountains of sweets in front of him.

He needs that. Hopefully that amount of sugar helps his brain function rationally next time so he wouldn't make the same mistake again if he ever found someone as perfect as Felix or make the same mistake of seducing someone as devine as Hwang Hyunjin next time. Which would be next to impossible since they're the only ones this earth has to offer, and no one as graceful and ethereal shall ever walk this planet ever again.

Oh, and did he ever mention that the desserts and beverages are the most expensive the café offers? No?

You spend a lot of money for condoms and who knows, maybe other things, too. It should be fine paying for food once in a while.

Happy paying.

He laughed loudly like a bitch that he is.