Does he know? | ✓

xvi

Felix know. Deep inside his heart, he knows that whatever happens, Hyunjin and him will never be apart. But he always thought it would be 'together with their own partners' and never 'together being each other's partners'. He'd always known that they're meant to last forever, but never did he thought that they would be together, as lovers in that promise of forever.

"How do you know that? What if I fall in love with someone else? What if you miscalculated and you have been too arrogant to think I'll always stay with you but I end up not wanting to, what would you do then?"

"I told you that I'm just giving you time to do whatever you please because I believe we're still too young for something so serious and my love for you isn't to be taken so lightly, Angel. And should you ever fall in love with someone else, that would put me in immense pain but I'm willing to wait in agony until that love dies and you look my way once again, just like I've always had for all these years. Besides, like I said, this isn't me being selfish, neither is it out of arrogance. I wanted to give you time since I know, that if I ever call my claim on you, I'll never let you go. You know my possessive tendencies, pixie. And you know I don't play games. Not when it comes to you."

Felix was dumbfounded, he feels like he could just float away at any given moment. His heart felt so full that he could just combust but he still has so many questions, and they all required to be answered. Now.

"But what if you miscalculated?" He repeated stubbornly. "What if I don't love you?"

Hyunjin sighed, "I don't know why you're wasting your time asking 'what ifs' when we can just be kissing right now, but I'll tell you what you want to hear. If I happen to have miscalculated and predicted things wrong and you actually ended up with someone else, I'll carry that with me. I'll accept my mistake and live with the pain, regretting every single day that I could've spoken but didn't." He then leaned his forehead onto Felix's, his warm breath gushing over his skin. "But here we are now, aren't we? And besides, you love me, Felix. We both know you do."

And there it is, the name and the face of the emotion he had turned his back on for so long, being reintroduced to him by none other than Hyunjin. The very reason he had tried to bury that emotion for.

Felix felt new waves of burning hot tears at the back of his eyes, but he tried to hold it in and keep his cool.

It's true. He loves Hyunjin since forever, and it didn't die even if he tried to kill it with his own hands before. It didn't die even when Hyunjin had introduced him his first girlfriend when they were seventeen. It didn't die when the taller left him for the States when they were fifteen. It just turned so weak with all the beating it had wrongfully received, enough to bury it deep into the ground but never really enough to kill it.

He had loved Hyunjin for so so long, it was almost funny.

He loved him so much that he stupidly tried to throw the said love away so he wouldn't make the mistake of confessing and lose him because it wasn't reciprocated. He just wasn't strong enough to live a life without Hyunjin. And he definitely wasn't strong enough to try his luck and shoot his shot with a blind eye, where a possibility of him fucking up their lifelong friendship is at stake.

He just loves Hyunjin... He loves him so much that he tried to find pieces of him in everyman he tried to date. And he loves him so much that he feels like his life was hell everytime Hyunjin would get into new relationships then mask it over with a smile as he pretends everything was okay only to empty his tear ducts when the darkness embrace him, mourning along with him as his heart dies once again.

He's just so stupidly in love just like that.

"You sound so sure." He said foolishly. It's almost hilarious.