escort | njm

epilogue.

Jaemin's eyes wide open as he stared at her, with glassy eyes, he's so close to crying. He feels he might die from asphyxiation, her drunken state and words. How he had wished she was sober, sober enough for her to tell him that she had loved him all this while.

There's nothing more than anything he wants besides her, and now that he knows that he has her, his heart is at ease. Areum splayed out on her bed, her cheeks rosy and her lips a crimson red with strands of her hair slightly covering her eyes in a mess. His heart hammering against his chest, he knows he should let her sleep and speak about it the next day but the anxiety is eating him alive.

Tossing and turning around, she lets out strangled moans from the uncomfortable position she was currently in. "Hey, easy there." Jaemin's voice was one so rich with timbre it goes beyond her ears, allowing her toes to curl in response. He runs his bony yet warm fingers through her hair, tucking the misplaced ones behind her ears.

Stars light the sky like snow-flakes in the night, yet appear still, like an old photograph. How the stars would move, the galaxies tumble and dart. Jaemin had hoped today, well tonight, with the stars sprinkling into the darkness, he had hoped they'd sort whatever between them out today. "Jaemin." The way she had smiled so fondly at him, it made him think he was the only thing she ever needed in this world and that brushes all his worries away.

He lets out a small hum in response, helping her up, gently caressing at her flushed cheeks. Truthfully, he had this stubborn mindset that it had always been them, together, before anyone else.

Countless nights he had spent, tossing and turning in bed, thinking of how it would be loving her. On nights he was home busy with the pile of worksheets that sat neatly on his study table, he had pulled out his phone, contemplating on going over to her house. And on nights when he wasn't out escorting, cooped up in his room as he drowned in the well of love, he had contemplated dressing up in a suit and knocking at her door.

Jaemin would have sounded like a crybaby if he ever admitted it openly to anyone, because truly, he had cried himself to sleep thinking about her, missing her. He would sound like a total jerk if he had said he imagined all his dates to be Areum, when all this escorting does nothing in distracting but aiding him in thinking about her.

He would have sounded weak if he said he hadn't felt wired up after the day she acted differently like she just wanted to be his friend. All he could do was take a shower, leaving her lying in her bed alone while the water droplets pattering drowned out his cries. Sad to know that while his heart was breaking, she was either sleeping or faking it.

Every time they had touched, lied in bed together with their legs tangled up upon each other, waking up in the morning embracing each other, it led him on to what they could be. He wants to do everything that she wants him to, only the fact that he wasn't aware of her not wanting him to be an escort.

He's got so much love for her, but he doesn't know what to do. Jaemin occasionally stands outside her door, hand hesitant to reach out and knock on the door. He's in for a heartbreak if it's all been blind faith from his point of view. He's got so much in his heart, but he doesn't know what to do. All he wants is Areum lying inside his room, with her head over his chest, he's got to be crazy thinking he's living like he's john wayne.

"How are you feeling? Better?" Jaemin hands her a glass of water, a pill that cures headaches from hangovers. "Yes, much better now that you're here." She lays her head on his lap, nestling her head into his stomach with her arms around his waist, letting out a groan. "Oh by the way, I didn't say anything wrong did I? You know, when I'm drunk I tend to sputter nonsense."

Jaemin barely recognises her words, thinking back to what she had said earlier. "About that..." He starts his sentence off, she could feel her windpipe crashing as she thinks back on what she had said, wishing it was not related to her feelings.