His Words (bxb)

chapter forty-seven

Monday, June 28, 2021

✧ elijah ✧

"You're seriously telling me they had no better time for a two-hour valedictorian speech than nine o'clock in the morning?"

The sound of our class valedictorian's voice echoing in the large auditorium packed with sniffling parents and bored students.

Noah is sat next to me and nudges my shoulder with his. "Keep it down," he whispers. "People can hear you."

He goes back to attentively listening to the speech with tears in his eyes and I roll mine. "They probably agree."

Noah ignores me and I scoff. I lightly trace my fingers up his knee, then run my palm up and down his thighs. This should do it. He turns red, but keeps facing forwards till I reach just a little further up and he turns to face me, a flustered look on his face. That's right, eyes on me. I smile innocently and lift my hand, turning to the stage where the valedictorian is still going on and on about 'memorable high school experiences' and our 'bright futures'. I feign interest.

Until I feel hot breath on my ear and Noah whispers, "You going to show me more of that tonight?"

"I never disappoint," I smirk back.

What I did, in fact, plan on doing tonight (other than Noah) was tell Noah I loved him. Again. I know it's a bold move to try that again after how horribly wrong the first time went, but I've dropped numerous hints that Noah didn't hate and even started talking to my therapist about it months ago.

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-March 2021-

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"Hey, Elijah," Dr. Woods greets me. "How are we doing today?"

"Not too bad," I say as I take a seat in a purple armchair and run my sweaty hands up and down my thighs. "Just... a lot on my mind."

"And what would those things be?"

"Finals and swimming and uni and trying to tell my boyfriend I love him - you know, a lot of things," I shrug.

"Well, what's bothering you about finals?" Dr. Woods crosses his legs and picks up his clipboard. I don't find myself getting as nervous as the first time he assumed this stance.

"Literally nothing - I'm studying and it's going well, but I feel like I'm supposed to freak out about them, so I am."

"Hm," is all the response I get. "What about swimming? You're competing at the junior national championships soon, yes?"

"In a week. The swimming part is fine, it's just all the stress that comes with it is tiring."

"Like what?"

"Like... the pressure of maintaining my performance, making sure I get better results at every competition because if I don't then what's the point of all the work I'm putting in? And I plan on becoming a professional athlete eventually and that excites me," I rub my hand over my face as I sigh tiredly, "but there's always this voice at the back of my head telling me that coming out and just being who I am can take that all away from me."

Dr. Woods looks up from his clipboard to ask, "So, would you say that coming out in the world of professional sports is one of your main concerns?"

"It's been on my mind a lot. Which is weird because I have never been insecure about my sexuality. Like, at all."