His Words (bxb)

epilogue

Friday, August 20, 2021

✧noah✧

"Unfortunately, our time ends here today," Dr. Evans says at eight o'clock, "I will see you all here again next week, hopefully."

Slowly, the chairs around the circle empty as people start to get up and pack their things.

"Oh, before anyone leaves I just wanted to announce that today is Noah's last day with us. He flies out to Waterloo tonight," he turns to me, "so I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for all the effort you've put into this support group, both conducting and taking part in the meetings." Dr. Evans places a warm hand on my shoulder and says with genuine earnest, "I hope you know that every week, you were able to change lives here."

When the applause dies down, I awkwardly say, "Thank you... Uh, and thank you everyone for being here every week to listen to some teenage kid talk for an hour. You guys put a lot of trust in me and I appreciate that. I hope I was able to make a difference."

After another round of applause and awkward smiling, Dr. Evans turns to me again. "Dr. Willow is expecting a visit before you leave. She's in her office."

"Thank you... for everything. You saved my life and I wouldn't be here or going to uni or getting better if it wasn't for that."

"That was all you, Noah. Someone else could have gone through the exact same experience and never gotten to where you are now. This is all thanks to you, not me," he smiles softly, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

I nod awkwardly. Not knowing what else to say, I ask, "Can I give you a hug?"

Dr. Evans immediately throws his arms open. "Of course, kid."

I imagine this is what hugging your father must feel like.

When I pull away, there are tears in our eyes. "You're going to do amazing things, kid. And I'm not just saying that. I will be keeping my ears open for your name, because one of these days, you're going to be on the news or on TV or something. I don't doubt it for a second because you're a good person, Noah. And good people do great things. I wish you all the best of luck."

"Fuck," I mumble, quickly wiping tears off of my warm cheeks. "Thanks, thank you so much. That means so much."

The warm smile never leaves the doctor's lips. "Now go. Dr. Willow is waiting."

"I'll visit again when I'm back for holidays," I promise him before walking out of the conference room.

A few people stopped me on my way out to thank me and wish me the best of luck and safe travels. As I looked into each pair of my eyes, I was able to truly tell myself that I am good. That I have purpose here. That I'm not just using up oxygen and contributing to global warming while leading a completely meaningless life. For the first time, I truly believed it. And suddenly, I felt a weight come off my chest, that lingering insecurity at the back of my mind wasn't there anymore. I smiled like I have never smiled before as I knocked on Dr. Willow's door.

"Come in," she says, expecting my arrival. "Hi, Noah. How was group?" She's not where she is usually sat when I enter her office for a session, but is sat at her desk instead.

"It was good," I respond vaguely. "I wanted to come and say goodbye, I fly out tonight. Well, really early tomorrow morning, technically."

"I heard," she smiles. It's the same smile she tries to hold back whenever she says something that gets a reaction out of me during our sessions. "How are you feeling?"

"You already know that, our appointment was last week," I raise my brows when her cheeky smile grows. "I'm just here to say my goodbyes."

"Not forever, though... Correct?"