Why Me?

Little does he know, im dying

*this part skipped Sunday because nothing happened that day*
I woke up to my annoying alarm clock. My mom still hasn't been home since Saturday, and I have no clue when she's coming back.
I grabbed my phone off of my desk and pressed the snooze button.
It was 6:00 am and I got out of bed.
I walked into Nichole's room and woke her up.
"Hey Nichole, get up." I said taking the sheets off of her
"what time is it?" She said covering her face in blankets
"6:00 now get up and get dressed."
And I walked out of her room and walked into the bathroom.
I looked in the mirror and saw my face was still pretty swollen and it was still bruised.
I turned on the sink water and washed my face and put lotion on and some skin products.
I brushed my teeth and then started my makeup.
I put a little more on today to try to cover my bruise, but it still wasn't going away. I tried putting on more foundation and powder but it still didn't cover it.
After doing my face makeup I moved onto my eyes and I did a smokey eye and winged out my eye.
I went back into my room and looked for something to wear.
I walked into my closet and grabbed a white shirt and some black high wasted leggings and a red and black flannel.
I put on my socks and then threw my hair up into a pretty messy bun, and then I grabbed my shoes and went down stairs.
I wanted to eat, but I didn't allow myself. I went into the downstairs bathroom and looked into the mirror and talked to myself.
"No Alex. You are not going to allow yourself to do this. You are not going to starve. You are not going to let people get into your mind. You're going to eat.."
And then there was a knock on the bathroom door, "Alex, are you okay?" I heard Nichole's voice
"Um, yeah yeah." I said opening the door and started to walk away
She grabbed me, "Alex. Stop. What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm fine. I promise you." I said looming her into the eye knowing if I told her the truth she would just freak out.
"Alex, tell me the truth. I heard you talking to yourself. Alex if you need to talk to someone I'm here, okay? You don't need to lie."
"I'm not lying nic. Now come on we're leaving in 10 minutes and you still need to eat." I said walking into the kitchen
"And you need to eat too."
"I know." And I grabbed a huge glass of water in the fridge and chugged it when Nichole went upstairs. I can't eat. I can't. So I chugged a huge water bottle, then went upstairs and grabbed my phone and my bag, then realized it was already 7:55.
"Nichole come on we're leaving right now!" I said yelling from the bottom of the stairs
And she came down and then we got into the car.
The car ride was pretty quiet with tiny conversations here and there.
It was about 10 minutes till we got to school and I pulled into the parking lot.
I unbuckled and then stopped Nichole.
"Hey, have a good day. Are you coming home with me? Or are you walking to jays?"
"Um I think I'm going to jays."
"Okay well just text me if anything goes different."
And we both got out of the car and I headed to the English buildings but I had five minutes till the bell rang.
On my way to English I heard someone calling my name and I turned around and saw it was Cameron. I stopped and waited for him to catch up.
"Hey." He said out of breath from running to me
"Hey."
He stopped me from walking.
And he held my face.
"What's this?" He said pointing to my bruise on my cheek
"Oh it's nothing. Trust me. Let's just keep walking." I said walking in front of him.
He grabbed my arm and stopped me again.
"Alex. What happened to you?" He said looking into my eyes
"Nothing. It was just a little fight with my mom" I said looking down
"Alex, are you okay?"
"I don't know. Good question." I said looking at him in the eye
"Alex, you're mom did this to you?"
"Yeah." I said barley looking at him anymore
"Oh gosh, you should've called me. I would've came and got you."
"Why? Why the hell would you? I'm so fucked up it's crazy! I'm worthless! I'm not anything good! I can't do anything! And I don't know why you're still here after all the shit I'm telling you and I don't---"
And he grabbed me and kissed me.
I couldn't even move. It felt like happiness just touched me. I was in tears.
I looked up at him and smiled.
He moved a piece of my hair back and started talking.
"You are not worthless Alex. And I need you to understand that you are more than you even think you are. Look, as long as I can be, I'll be there for you, okay?" He said lifting up my chin
"Okay. Well I should probably get to class." I said letting go of him.
"I'll see you later." And he smiled and walked away.
I didn't know what to really think, I mean why me? Why does he want someone like me? All I know is, I want someone like him, I just want him. And I never truly knew what that felt like. And hell its been 3 days since I've actually talked to him and I like him more than I've really liked anyone. It's just, I don't want him to know, I don't want him to know, that I'm slowly killing myself.
To be continued.
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