Why Me?

Everyone leaves

We made our way to his truck and he popped the back so we could sit on the edge.
I was so speechless. I was so hurt, so devastated. She was everything to me, and now she's nothing.
Cameron didn't really bring it up. He pulled me close and stroked my hair.
After minutes of silence, he finally spoke.
"Did you love him?" He said moving his head up from mine but still holding me tight.
As he asked me, memories fled my brain. The memories of Henry and I. The first time we met, the first kiss, the first hug, my first time. Some memories were good, however, others were bad. I saw myself drowning in him, always getting Hugh and drunk with him and then sleeping with him. Coming home at 5:00 am leaving my sisters at home alone.
I finally cut my memories out and answered him.
"I think I loved the idea of him, not necessarily him. Maybe I loved parts of him." I said moving my head up, "I loved being with him, he made me feel needed, and he wanted me, and no ones ever wanted me. It's funny because I spent hours thinking about him, but he didn't even think about me. I wrote about him all the time. At that time, he was my only happiness." I said tears starting to fill my eyes
"Why'd you stop loving him."

"I never stopped. I think I could always love him. He's hurt me and he doesn't care about me, but I cared about him. The times we were high were the best because that's when he talked to me and he'd tell me about himself. I think j will always love the parts of him, the parts I fell in love with....." I got lost in thought.
Why was I telling this to him? Now he can't be with me.

"I admire that about you." He said smiling, "I admire that after everything you've been through, you still have hope for everything. You have hope that someday Henry will change, and maybe one day you guys will be together-"
I interrupted, "what no."
And he continued, "you love him. It's inevitable. I have hope for you and I, I have so much hope. Look, I care so much about you. I always have. You are the most beautiful thing in this world, but I don't know if this is the right time for us. You have so many things going on and I need you to get better."
Tears fled down my face. "No no no no no please. Please don't leave me. Please don't leave I have no body. I have no body. You're the only good thing in my life." And I was basically breaking down at this point. I grabbed onto his arm and he stood up.
"Alex, I'm not saying I won't be here, I just don't know if things are going to work out right now. I'm not saying forever, soon we'll be together again, I just want you to get better Alex." He said trying to grab my hand but j quickly pulled it apart.
"You know what, you're just like the rest! You're just like everyone else. I was so wrong about you. People always leave me Cameron. They always do, and I guess now I can add you to that list. And I was really starting to like you. Hell I thought I was falling In love with you. I guess I was wrong." I got up and hit his truck while running away.
"Alex, alex, come back, please come black." Cameron screamed to me, but I continued running.

     I ran home, I sat in my room shaking. I sat there crying and soon got up and hit my wall multiple times. My heart raced, it hurt so bad. I remembered I had my sleeping pills.
"Yes, I can finally be gone." I said repeating to myself over and over again. I looked under my dresser and found my vodka bottle with over half full, and I counted the pills. 1, 2,3,4,5...17.
And dish went the pills, and down went the vodka.