How it should've been(Twisted Wonderland)

Happy Birthday?

"Happy birthday to you!"

huh?

"Happy birthday to you!

I'm so dizzy

"Happy birthday dear &(*#$($*!"

Just before you close your eyes, your friend gives you something and shoves it in your pocket.

"Happy birth-"

You hear a sound similar to an old TV turning off, you close your eyes and bask in the darkness for quite a while only to open your eyes to more of it around you. Confused and tired, that's exactly how you felt, well you're starting to feel extremely warm too. Oh no it's hot now. And is that a voice grumbling about taking your stuff?! Ok time to see what's causing this.

Kick!

With one swift kick you bust yourself out of this shadowy prison. "Funya--!" What made that sound? 'Funya'? Is this some kind of cringy cat mascot? Well your thoughts weren't exactly proven wrong. Instead of a cat you were met with a fire eared...grey...weasel? "A talking fucking weasel? Great way to start off this stupid..dream?" You pinch yourself. This situation sounds familiar. But why? Well whatever future you will figure it out somehow. "How... How DARE YOU! I am no WEASEL! I'm Grim, sorcerer extraordinaire" Said the weasel(?) "Tch. Whatever. You...human! Just gimme your uni-MRGH!" Before it can finish talking you grab him by his mouth and swiftly shut him up and for precautions. Precautions?... It was your gut that told you to do that. How peculiar...

"Listen little..Thing. I don't give a shit what you want where am I right now. Answer or I'll" Another interruption. This time it's a tall, pale man with a mask. Is this a crow aesthetic? Goth? Ah who cares! "Ah, I've found you at last. Splendid. I trust you're one of this year's new students My, were you ever eager to make your debut. And bringing a poorly trained familiar with you? That is a clear violation of the school's rules." Brows are being raised and blood is being slowly heated. "As if I'd let this stupid creature to be my familiar/master" My would you look at that! You two are already in sync! "Yes, yes. Rebellious familiars always say that. Do be quiet for a bit, won't you?" He takes out... A whip?! Kinky You thought. 

"Sir, listen, I have no idea what I'm doing here so-" This feathered fella doesn't know simple manners. That checks out. "Dear me. Of all the students I've dealt with, you're the first with temerity enough to open their own gate and step out of it." A specific word gave you the biggest ick. The fuck is this dude talking about... "Does the very notion of patience elude you?" You felt your eye twitch. At first you thought he was an attractive, mysterious saviour. Turns out to be yet another mannerless man! What a shocker! "No matter. Your orientation has already begun. Let us return to the Mirror Chamber." He pushes you towards the school- SCHOOL?! Ahem! Towards the school, which looked like a medieval? Gothic? Castle. "Wait hold on what student? What school? And I didn't take the coffin lid off, I kicked it. Also what do you mean gate?" The man seemed to have ignored all of your questions except for the last one. What a rude little...bird. "The design is intended to symbolise a parting with your former world, and a rebirth into a new one." Parting?...Former world?...Rebirth?...Instead of questioning further, your eyes flick to the wiggling weasel in you hand. Your hand is still holding its mouth. It glared at you so in response you smirk down at him. Back to bird man, come on now! "Right uhh whatever that means, so where am I?" His sudden stop startled you. He crooked his neck over and with a shocked face her asked "Have you not fully regained your consciousness?" A loud 'Ahem' is heard as you two-err- three walk into the courtyard"This is Night Raven College.It is an institution for students the world over who demonstrate a rare aptitude for magic.It is the most prestigious academy of its sort in all of Twisted Wonderland.And I am Dire Crowley. Having been entrusted with its care by the chairman, I serve as headmage." Dire Crowley so that's his name. "That's fancy and all but I still don't understand why I'm-" Oh but he wasn't done yet "Only those who the Dark Mirror perceives as having a talent for magic are admitted to the college.Those who are selected are summoned to the campus through those "gates," which can appear anywhere.A black carriage bearing one such gate should have come to meet you." Ok this has to be a fever dream? Before you're able to protest about how you're well, magicless, Crowley opens two large doors to reveal hundreds of people standing in robes. The literal first two sentences you heard were 'Some headmage he is' and 'Maybe he had a tummy ache' Which Crowley seemed a bit offended by. This is a cult isn't it. I've been dragged into a cult. Well young one, you weren't. This is real and it is actually happening. A ceremony to tell which dorm you belong to. But what about you? You're just a human. You're not special now are you? No.. That's right! You're magicless! But it's worth a shot isn't it? Why don't you look around? There's seven, no six people standing on a higher step than all the other cloaked students. It's hard to make out their faces but you'll try your best to see them won't you, you curious child. 

The first one has red hair and blue eyes. The second one has lion ears?!...Weird. Third one.. ugh can't see him well.. a beauty mark? Fourth has really pretty eyes.Fifth one- GOD DAMN. He's...MAJESTIC! And there's...a tablet.A floating tablet...I'm not surprised at this point.

That's right, nothing is surprising in this universe. Monsters, flying tablets, talking plants, so on and so fourth. So the situation you got yourself into shouldn't be surprising at all! Yet you're still baffled with everything that's been happening around you. All of these magical and fantastical things are so unreal to you, even though you're supposed to be feeling quite welcome here. Unfortunate really. Well no matter. It's finally time for you to get called up to the mirror. 

You take cautious steps. You feel as though you're about to get jumped for delaying the ceremony. Your nerves fail you once you get to the mirror. Your legs feel like they're about to give out and you're very sweaty. "State your name" The mirror, well, spoke. 

oh

right.

my name.

what was it again?

"(___)" A short answer. But understandable considering your current situation. Anxious few seconds pass and the dark mirror speaks again. "The nature of your soul is...

..............

..............

..............

Unclear to me" Crowley's eyes supposedly widen, you wouldn't really notice with that mask of his. "What did you just say?" The dark mirror gives a lengthier answer this time "I sense no magical power from this one. Soundless. Colorless. Shapeless. Utterly vacant.Therefore, no dorm would be appropriate." 

This world shouldn't be surprising anymore, then why are you so taken aback by this answer? I'd say, you're even upset about it. Because deep down each one of us wishes unlikely things to happen all the time don't we?

"Are you suggesting that the black carriage went to receive a person who cannot even use magic?But that is absurd! The student selection process has not erred once in its century of existence!How could this have happened?" Crowley looks perplexed. Not once during the years of him as the headmaster did a magicless student show up in a school for magic. He's lost. Unsure. Stunned even. Though the moment of shock quickly breaks and now suddenly you're the talk of the crowd. You're not bothered by the murmurs. What bothered you was what came next. 

"ME! Let ME have this stupid human's seat!"

Ah!

You forgot to keep it held down!