Always on my mind
See it in my eyes.
Won't let me sleep
When I lay down at night.
I'm addicted to the thought of you.
Can't say goodbye
That's what it's like
Chasing Stardust.
She sits on the same couch as I am, both of us facing each other. My uncle went outside to give us privacy, which I'm thankful for, though I wouldn't have minded him being here to hear this.
I glance down to the drink in my right hand, gently stirring it around and watching it as the liquid quits spinning.
She's always made me tea when I need comfort. I'd wake up from nightmares and she'd make me a cup and everything was okay.
I want that now. I want everything to be okay. I take another sip.
"He was in my head." I will continue. "He saw everything. My whole life." I shutter at the memory, as she nods, understanding in her eyes.
"And he knows where the map is now, and they're gonna hunt BB-8 down and tear him apart for it. And it's all my fault. I wasn't strong enough." My voice cracks some at the end, tears threatening to spill more.
Her hand clasps the opposite hand holding the tea, her small fingers gently wrap around my wrist.
"It was not your fault Poe." She quickly assures. "You had no control over what they did to you there. They were the ones who dug in your head. You didn't just let them do it. I know you didn't. I guarantee you put up a damn hard fight and you did your damn best to not let them in your head."
"Yeah, I did that, but it wasn't enough, Aunt Mirah. They still got in. I failed the Resistance. I failed General Organa, I failed..." I say, cutting myself off at the end, not even wanting to say her name, knowing it'll just be a painful reminder. "It's all my fault." I say instead.
She looks at me, her eyes piercing into me. I look away. "Don't do that to yourself Poe. Don't blame yourself for something you had no control of. You and I both know how that ended up for me when I did that." She says, her voice firm and powerful.
"When my riduur got shot when we were on Nevarro, I blamed myself. I kept thinking that I should have seen it coming, or maybe I could've gotten him out of the way. I even thought I should have been the one to get shot." She explains, her tone now soft, yet still firm in her tone.
"But no matter what, there was nothing I could do to change what happened. I had no control of the situation and there was no way I could have either." She looks towards the door, her gaze watching her husband, or riduur, who sits on their front porch steps.
"And it was him who had to help me accept that." She finishes her story, sighing as her gaze meets mine once more. "And I have a feeling that if you go home to your family, they'll help you realize the same thing. That it's not your fault." Aunt Mirah tells me.
"Go back to your family, Poe. Get the acceptance you deserve." She instructs me, but I shake my head in return.
"I'm already with my family, Aunt Mirah." I tell her, only to change the subject.
I don't want to go back.
"Not the right family. I mean to the family you have in the Resistance, Poe. Go back to them, and I have no doubt they will welcome you back with open arms."
"But you always tell me to come to your family when I need help... So I came to you... What's wrong with that?"
"There's nothing wrong with that, sweet boy, nothing at all. But family isn't always blood. You and I both know that. You make your own family, and I have no doubt there's many people on that base that consider you family and want nothing more than to have you back. " Aunt Mirah explains.
"But how do you know this, though? Who's to say that when I show up at that base they won't shoot me down for being a traitor of the Resistance?" I argue back. But my words have no effect on her, and her composer stays the same, a strong front.
"I know, Poe, because I was once in a sticky situation, different from yours, but nevertheless, when I came back to the people that I considered family, they welcomed me back in with open arms, not caring about all of my baggage. Instead, they made me know everything was going to be okay."
We fall silent, the two of us just looking at the other, studying each other's faces and expressions. Aunt Mirah's hand still grips my wrist, and I feel her squeeze before releasing it completely, and I already miss her motherly touch. The grounding she gives me when she holds me.
She stands up, looking down at me while my eyes watch her every movement. Mirah leans down to my forehead, planting a kiss right beside the gash, gently grasping onto the nape of my neck before she stands back up and begins walking away to the front door, the one where Din is sitting outside of.
"Go home, Poe. It will be okay." She says right as she steps outside.
I sat there for a moment, replaying her words over in my head.
Go home.
Go home.
Go home.
It will be okay.
It will be okay.
It will be okay.
I watch her as she sits next to my uncle, his metal clad arms wrap around her as she nuzzles into him as they talk among themselves.
The sight reminds me of her. Makes me miss her. Makes me want her back.
With a sigh, I accept the fact Aunt Mirah presented me with.
It's time for me to go home.
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If yall haven't gotten who Poe's uncle is by now, I stg yall aren't true star wars fans. jkjk 😂
