A Mom in Middle School

The Little Gem

I'd seen a few movies and sitcoms where women gave birth to babies, but I legit didn't think it was anything like this. There was no one dressed up in a costume, no surprise twins, and no romantic love story that led up to this point.

Having a baby was just painful and chaotic. There were just so many moving pieces. So many monitors, so many nurses sticking their fingers in so many uncomfortable places. I felt better once I got the epidural, but I ended up losing all of my pizza, which was seriously gross. Having only ice chips was the absolute worst.

I was in labor for thirteen hours, and at three in the morning, I heard my baby girl cry for the first time. I was so exhausted from not sleeping in nearly twenty-four hours, but I was instantly awake when they placed Opal on my chest, just like I requested.

I'd been advised by my foster parents and by Grace to not do that, but this was my life. I was going to snuggle my little baby girl for the itty bitty amount of time I had with her, and I was going to hug and kiss her goodbye.

"Hey, beautiful," I said to her as they cleaned her off.

Opal was stunning. The most gorgeous little thing I'd ever seen. I started tearing up when I saw that she had red hair, just like me. The nurses took her away to cut her cord, then wrapped her in one of those generic hospital blankets that had a footprint pattern before giving her back to me. She was crying, but settled down in my arms. I couldn't believe how tiny she was.

I asked one of the nurses to bring me my bag, and then pulled out my little flip phone. I took so many pictures of Opal and her red, squishy face. I spent so much time with her, kissing and cuddling. The nurses gave me a bottle of formula, letting me feed and burp her. I knew the sun was coming up, but I didn't care.

It was after eight when Grace came into the room. She was normally really friendly, but seemed pretty stern this morning. I knew why. Of course I knew why. I was tired and pretty out of it, but I wasn't dumb.

"I just want a few more minutes," I said, lightly swaying Opal back and forth in my arms.

"It's been almost six hours, Roslyn. Ella and Jake have been waiting. They want to see their baby," she said.

"I know. I know. Just...give me a few more minutes with her. Can you send Janet in? I just want to get a few pictures of me and her before I give her over."

    "Okay. After you take some pictures, you need to let them have a chance to hold her," she said before turning around and leaving.

    I looked down at Opal and started to panic. Oh no. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea for me to have her with me all this time after all. She should've come out of me and gone directly into Ella-Mae's arms, like she requested.

    Thoughts were flashing through my head, one after another. What if I really didn't have to give her up? I could put a little crib in the room I shared with Josie. I could find a way to buy outfits for her, maybe even at the thrift store. Lots of garage sales had toys and baby stuff for cheap. Maybe I could find a way.

    But then I thought about school. I'd never finish with a baby. I needed to get my degree. I promised my dad I'd grow up to get a degree or at least learn a trade to get a good job, not be a deadbeat drug addict like my mom. Besides, look at the life I lived. Opal would have to get tossed house to house.

    I started sobbing when Janet walked in the room. She sat down on the edge of the bed and put her arm around me.

    "It's so hard. I know," she said.

    "I want to keep her so badly, but I know that I can't. No matter what, I just can't," I said.

    "She's going to have such a good life with them."

    "I know," I said, wiping away my tears. "I probably shouldn't hang onto her any longer. I feel like every second I have her, it gets harder to let her go."

    "I know, honey. Do you still want to take pictures if you're this upset?" she asked.

    "Yes. I do."

    I wiped away my tears, put on some foundation, and sat up in the bed, smiling while holding Opal. Janet got some pictures on my phone and the rest on her digital camera.

    At nine that morning, six hours after Opal came into the world, her parents walked into the room. I already put Opal in the hospital bassinet, giving her one last hug and kiss before doing so. I couldn't deal with having to physically hand her over to Ella-Mae. It was too hard. I thought having her lift Opal out of there would be best.

"Hey little lady, you're so beautiful," said Ella-Mae as she lifted Opal out of the bassinet.

"Look at that red hair! She's gorgeous!" Jake said.

"Roslyn, this is the greatest gift anyone has ever given us. I hope you know that," said Ella-Mae.

"Please, take good care of her," I said.

"That's a promise," said Jake.

"We got you a present," Ella-Mae said, hanging me a big pink gift bag.

"You didn't have to do this," I said.

"You gave us a child. It's the least we could've done," said Jake.

I opened the bag and my jaw dropped. It was a brand new iPod. But this wasn't just any old iPod. This wasn't my little shuffle. This wasn't even a nano. This was an iPod touch! I never dreamed in a million years that I'd be able to have one of these.

Abbie was going to lose her mind. I could download the YouTube app so we could watch Charlie the Unicorn and the Potter Puppet Pals wherever we went...that had wifi. This was before data was a thing.

"There's one more thing at the bottom of the bag," said Ella-Mae.

I reached in and pulled out a box, then opened it. It was a charm bracelet that had Opal stones in it.

"I have one, you have one, and when it fits on her wrist, she can wear hers too," said Ella-Mae.

"This is even better than the iPod," I said.

I didn't want to make a big deal or have a painful adoption ceremony, so after being cleared by the nurses, since she was doing well, Opal was able to leave that afternoon. Jake and Ella-Mae took her from the nursery, so I didn't have to see them carry her away.

I spent another sleepless night in the hospital, eating gross hospital food, then went home early the next morning, before the sun was even up. I had to get home so I could rest and get ready for finals week. I needed to graduate.