The Mimic - One-Shots

Miss it

Overview: Y/n calls Natasha after having a 'wobbly' week. (This is during the five year blip! And yes, I'm in a sad/comfort Natasha mood)

Word count: 1,179

Warnings: Angst

*****

"Hey, y/n! How've you been?"

It had been a wobbly week for y/n. There weren't any other words to describe it. Just wobbly.

No matter how much she tried to distract herself with farmwork, she just felt uneasy. Her emotions were all over the place, and she caught herself spacing out more often than normal. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get out of her own head. It was horrible. Like a sickly, vulnerable feeling in her chest, and it never seemed to fade.

Like a sort of homesickness.

That was why she called Natasha. She wanted to hear her voice. She wanted to close her eyes and pretend that nothing ever changed. Natasha was the only person that would understand how y/n was feeling. Nobody in her hometown would get it. Nobody.

Y/n was currently sat atop one of the many hills in the fields that surrounded her hometown. It was one of the only places that had service, which was something that y/n had to figure out through trial and error. It was a warm evening. Enough to be able to sit outside without a jacket, but the cold chill of the breeze passing through wasn't pleasant.

Y/n had her burner phone on the grass beside her, having put Natasha on speaker so that she didn't have to hold the phone to her ear. She was sat cross-legged, her elbows resting on her knees as she waited patiently for Natasha to answer.  However, as soon as she heard her voice, the tears started.

The lump in her throat hit her with a force. Loneliness and sadness spread like wildfire, all the way from her lungs, up her throat, into her mouth, her nose, and her eyes. She hadn't cried for the entire week, but hearing Nat's voice just seemed to have caused something to click in her mind.

She took a shuddering breath, mouth hanging open as she desperately tried to form words. Her glossy eyes stared out at the horizon, dripping with tears that tumbled down her cheeks. Her mouth slowly shut, a bittersweet smile appearing on her face. "Hm." She hummed, voice quiet and cracking. It was the only thing she could manage to get out.

"Y/n? Did something happen? Do you want me to get to you?" Natasha rushed out. Even in the grainy speaker of the burner phone, it was obvious that her voice was laced with concern. She'd gone into that protective mode. The older sister mode that y/n yearned for so much.

Y/n shook her head, moving so that her knees were pressed against her chest. God, she wished that Natasha was there next to her. She needed one of those hugs right about now. She continued to sniffle, trying her hardest to form how she was feeling. To piece it together and figure out how to explain it. "I just-" She paused, voice quiet and trembling. "I just miss it."

"You need to be a bit louder, y/n. I can barely hear you through your shitty phone." Natasha spoke, trying to make her smile despite her voice still being riddled with concern. She just wanted to be there to comfort y/n, but she couldn't leave the compound abandoned. "Miss what? Bucky?" She asked, desperately trying to figure out what was wrong.

Y/n moved the phone closer to her, yet she still kept it rested on the grass. "I miss it." She repeated, wiping at her face with open palms. "I miss the team. I miss the way it used to be." She admitted, the yearning in her chest just seeming to grow as she was finally able to pinpoint what had been wrong. She sniffed hard, tears continuing to pour as she thought it all through. "I miss the way it used to be before the cracks started to show. When we were all a family."

*****

Natasha's shoulder's fell at y/n's admittance. She set her phone on loudspeaker as she pushed her bedroom door shut, searching privacy as if she wasn't the only person in the compound. That admittance of family was something that shook through her much more than she thought it would. It was like a smack in the face. She didn't know how to respond.

Nat continued to listen to y/n's sniffles as she slowly moved to sit down on her bed. She bit down on her lip, trying her hardest to ignore the aching feeling in her chest. Her room was littered with photos of that happier time. Hell, her homescreen was even a photo of them all after an outdoor training session. Covered in mud, but all laughing. She didn't realise how much she missed that time until y/n highlighted it.

*****

There was never an exact day where everything fell apart, but y/n always assumed that it was the Lagos incident.

The team used to be so close. So close. There'd be laughter every single day, hundreds of inside jokes, mini competitions, everything. It was never a shock to find most of them passed out on the couch after a long day. Everybody was just comfortable with one another. Maybe that was because of forced proximity, but y/n didn't want to think about it like that.

Simple things like dancing about in the kitchen in the mornings, or even racing to try and get to the 'good bathroom' first, they were all things that y/n took for granted. She never realised how good she had it until it all went to shit. And whilst she had always been happy spending time with Bucky, and she'd had an amazing time travelling the world, she would run back to that happy time in an instant.

"And it just hurts because, now that I can look back on it, I can pick up on the red flags." Y/n spoke, her voice continuing to crack. "I always look back on that time like it was the golden era for us, but then I think about Tony and Bruce." She gritted her teeth, resting her chin on her knees. "I had so much fun. I was so happy. And the entire time they didn't trust me. Bruce would run tests and take notes, and I would be oblivious. I thought that he was trying to help. But he wasn't. They treated me like a weapon ever since I arrived." She spat, betrayal clear in her tone.

"Whenever I look at photos of that time, that's all I see." Y/n took a deep breath, closing her eyes as tears continued to tumble. "Sometimes I just wish I was still oblivious. I wish that I could live in one of those photos forever. Then I'd be happy. The team would still be together. I'd still have Bucky-" She paused, scrunching her face up as her heart panged at the mention of Bucky. "I miss it, Nat. There's no way we'll be together like that again, and I fucking miss it."

"Me too, y/n. Me too." Natasha admitted, trying to hide her obviously wobbling voice.