Ethan And Life

Chapter 4

((TW for chapter: talk of self-harm))

The next day, when Ethan and Ryan were hanging out in the park, Ethan could tell that Ryan knew something was wrong.

After they talked about casual things for a while, Ryan asked, almost out of nowhere, "Hey, are you okay? You seem... off."

Ethan hesitated. A part of him wanted nothing more than to tell Ryan everything, the feelings, what he had done the day before. To pour his heart out. But somehow it didn't feel right to do that. After all, they hadn't known each other for very long. But he also didn't exactly have anyone that he could confide in. Not any of his friends, and certainly not his family.

"I'm sorry," Ethan mumbled, "but I don't know where to begin. I have some pretty heavy stuff on my shoulders, man."

Ryan looked concerned. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Ethan hesitated. "Actually..." He paused, collecting his thoughts, "Yes. If it's okay. I don't know, I don't think we're close enough for this. And it's some really heavy stuff. But I don't have anyone else to talk to."

Ryan smiled softly, a sad, sympathetic expression. "Of course, dude. What happened?"

Ethan stared off into the distance, hugging himself, unable to look at Ryan. "I... have issues with self-harm. For over two years now. I keep trying to stop but... I can't. And yesterday the stress of Mason outing me to the whole school got to me and I broke down and cut myself."

"Shit, dude." Ryan placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "That's intense. Do you have anyone who could've helped you through it?"

Ethan shook his head sadly. "Nah. I'm alone."

Ryan frowned. "I wish you had somebody."

"Yeah." Ethan paused again. "So do I."

Ryan stared at the ground for a little while after that. They stayed quiet for awhile, neither knowing quite what to say. Then, eventually, Ryan spoke up again. "Look, dude... I don't know how to make it easier for you, but....if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to come to me, okay? I'll listen and help if I can."

"...Thanks, Ry. I appreciate it."

"Can I ask you something?" Ryan asked suddenly, after a moment of silence.

"Go ahead."

"Why can't you tell your parents? About what happened?"

"Because my parents don't believe that mental health issues exist. They think the pharmaceutical industry made them up to sell more medicine."

"Are you serious? That is fucking stupid."

"Exactly!"

They both chuckled at that.

"Well, I hope I could help. Do you feel any better? I promise I won't tell anybody what you told me."

Ethan smiled softly, and it was a smile that wasn't forced or fake. "Thanks. It's good to know that somebody understands. And yeah, I do feel a little better, thanks."

As he drove home from the park, he thought of his conversation with Ryan and found himself smiling despite the dark subject matter of the conversation they'd had. Maybe, just maybe things would turn out all right in the end.