Broken [Aizawa x reader]

Chapter 22 - The beggining of the end

A/N: Listen to the song above in Aizawa's POV for a better experience :P

CW: drug abuse/overdose, mentions of panic attack and depression.

It's been a little over a month since that night with Dabi and his words still plagued my mind, it even affected the relationship with Shota and my friends. I spent more time locked in my bedroom, skipping classes and roughly eating once a day if I felt like it. Taking xanax pills was almost a daily occurrence since I ran out of cocaine and money to buy more since I also was skipping my shifts at the cafe.

Keigo said that if I kept going like that I would lose my job but that was the least of my worries when I was slumped in my bed crying my eyes because of my overthinking mind telling me how Dabi's words were true and nobody wants me. It was like I was in high school all over again but way worse, at least the drugs made me feel numb for a little while.

One one hand, Shinso had been texting me every morning asking why I wasn't in class or at school at all but I didn't find the motivation to text him back, so I just silence my phone in the mornings. He's also come by my apartment a few times and each time Jiro would tell him I was locked in my bedroom and not seeing anyone, I knew that because I eavesdropped one time when he came over. I felt bad about not telling him anything, believe me, but my overthinking mind was stronger than my will to talk to people or just get out of bed.

As for Shota and I, we've been spending a lot less time together and missing his lessons was a common occurrence. Out of all my friends he's the one that has blown up my phone with messages and phone calls the most, he was worried sick for me to the point that he contacted Jiro to ask her how I was doing and why I wasn't answering or replying to any of his texts. And I feel so bad for him, he doesn't deserve any of this and it's all my fault that he feels that way, it's all my fault that I'm this broken and can't even go a full night without some drug in my system. If I was honest, I've been distancing myself from him because I know he doesn't deserve someone that makes him relive his past traumas and for the things Dabi said.

And Jiro, well Jiro has been the worst of all of them. She has tried everything, EVERYTHING to get me to open up to her. She knows something is wrong and does everything in her power to be there for me and help me as best as she can but I'm just not cooperating. Whenever I spend more than two days without eating, she would burst into my room and shove food down my throat and won't leave me alone until I at least ate a full sandwich. She would spend multiple sleepless nights reading hundreds of articles of 'how to help your depressed friend' and 'how to help a drug addict that refuses to go to rehab' and those types of things. She and Shota have been trying to help me but it's futile, I'm so far gone into my head that everything someone says just goes through one ear and out the other, I'm just a shell of a person now.

Speaking of the devil, a knock was heard from the other side of my bedroom door and I instantly knew it was her. She's been constantly checking up on me and letting me know if she or Mina were to go out if I ever needed something. "Y/n, Mina is going out to a club with the boys and I'm spending the night with Denki. Call me if you need anything, I'll come right back, okay?" I heard loud and clear what she said but didn't feel like talking back, I just made a weird sound of acknowledgement and hid myself under the blankets. Jiro sighed and walked away from my door and towards the exit door, she was hesitant to leave me alone but in situations like this, she gave Shota a spear apartment key in case of an emergency she trusts he would keep me safe or rush to help me if needed.

I have a love-hate relationship with being completely alone, and right now it was one of those times I didn't want to be alone, the thought that it was just me in the apartment made me feel bad and what was the first thing I do when I feel like this? Yes, pop some pills. So that's exactly what I did, I took my little bottle of xanax and made my way to the bathroom with a warm blanket wrapped around me giving me hugs.