Broken [Aizawa x reader]

Chapter 24 - Back to life

People describe death in movies like this peaceful, painless awakening where you're in a white tunnel with bright, white lights at the end of it and your deceased loved ones waiting for you with open arms. Your life flashing through your eyes in your last moments on earth and all that cheesy stuff, but let me tell you, it was the exact opposite for me.

Flashbacks of my childhood and my life living with my mother repeated in my head, and some of my relationship with Dabi too. My body felt like it was already dead but my mind certainly wasn't, I couldn't move, I couldn't talk, I could even barely breath but my mind kept torturing me with all this memories I wanted to forget and not letting me rest. Now I can't even die in peace.

But someone that stayed at the back of my head was Shota and the time I spent with him, these new feelings I experienced when I was around him, those dates he took me to and the weekends I spent in his apartment together. Even those spicy nights that were the best of my life, was something that remained constant in my mind and didn't let me fully slip into the world of the dead. Knowing he was still there waiting for me to wake up at any time and be happy again, together.

The more I thought about Shota, Jiro, Mina and all my friends waiting for me to wake up, I started to feel this warmth in my chest making me more conscious of my situation. If I could still feel things in my body then I'm still alive, I still have a chance to wake up and be happy with Shota again. After that thought, not only could I feel the warmth in my chest but also a little pressure over my left hand, like something was weighing it down, I could feel a cool liquid going up my veins in my right arm and mixing with my blood. My senses started coming back little by little, first my touch and the feeling of my body, the stiff cold sheets over my legs and torso. I tried moving my hand but was only able to move my fingers a little, but it seemed that was enough to alert however was holding my hand of my now conscious state.

It started like muffled sounds but eventually I was able to recognize the beeping of a heart monitor and that familiar voice I grew accustomed to hearing everyday. That deep, masculine voice that soothes me and comforts me whenever I need it, that whispers sweet nothings to reassure me whenever I have a nightmare or flashbacks of bad memories. That voice that helps me get out of my head whenever I have a panic attack or overthinking too much, Aizawa Shota's voice.

The smell of disinfectant and medicines made its way to my nostrils making me scrunch it up a little at the sterile scent, the first thought that came to my mind was that I'm currently at a hospital. Though when I moved my face I caught the faint smell of something else, well, more like someone else. This scent was something I didn't think I would miss, that trace of the familiar cologne woven in with the smell of cigarette and that last sip of whiskey. These smells were a nuisance to most people, something they'd turn their nose up to without a second thought, but to me that was the smell of home.

I tried to move my head and get closer to the source of the scent but when I was about to move, a sharp pain ran through my body, like I haven't moved it in weeks. I tried opening my eyelids but they felt heavy and refused to open, somehow I felt tired, exhausted even.

"It's okay, don't force yourself, miss." Who I believed was a nurse, said from beside me and I stopped trying to move my body and instead focused all my strength in opening my eyes. Little by little, bright light started to seep through my eyelids making everything I could see, the white blinding light from above.

Suddenly, strong, warm arms surrounded my body pulling me closer against an equally warm body engulfing me in that all too familiar scent. I didn't even have to fully open my eyes to know who was embracing me, and the warmth in my chest just intensified, swelling it and making it feel tight, almost painful. Was this how love felt like?

However, it makes me think, I don't really know. I've never experienced love. How would I know that I love him? The only people I've loved are my friends, Mina and Jiro, but that's a different type of love. At least that's what I've been told. I didn't love Dabi the way I love my friends, so I know it has to be something else, right? Maybe I don't love him, maybe I just like him. Or maybe I do love him, I just don't know it yet. Yet I can't help but start to shrink, a dark sadness taking over me. I want to love him, I do. But how? What's love like? Is it this warm tingling sensation I get when he hugs me and runs his fingers through my hair? Or the way I feel like my chest just might explode when he subconsciously pulls me closer to him at night? Or is it the way I'd love to go star-gazing with him again, or dance in the rain with him till our heart's content? Or maybe it's the feeling I get, the feeling I can't describe and all I can do is sigh happily as I picture that smile and those dark eyes, the smile he gives to me and me only. But maybe it's the way I feel safest with him, the way whenever I feel lost or sad I run into his arms, letting him wrap me up and hold me.

So maybe I do love him, but how do I tell him? Does he even love me back? When is it the right time? Is it too soon, too late? Why is loving someone so hard?

Snapping out of my thoughts, I realized warm hands were cupping my face making me look straight to deep brown eyes staring right back at my e/c orbs. My vision was clearer this time and I could see the worry and pain in those dark eyes. Worry and pain for me. From the corner of my eye I saw his lips move but no sound made it to my ears, I had to strain my hearing to catch what he was trying to say.

"-you okay?" I faintly heard him say, too lost and overwhelmed about everything happening so fast I just nodded my head absentmindedly. "Are you in pain?" He asked me and I shook my head this time, with all the anesthetics the doctors probably gave me I could barely even feel my own body. "Okay, I'll go call a doctor." Shota said more to himself but I was able to hear it.

And with that he left me alone in the hospital room, the steady beep of the heart monitor the only sound inside the four walls. It gave me time to think and actually process all this situation, me being in the hospital for god knows how long, my friends waiting for me at home, my relationship with Shota. Everything.

The door opening brought me out of my trance and everything that happened after came like a blur in my eyes, until I was finally discharged and out of the hospital with Shota by my side. A million questions in my head, yet not a single word left my mouth since I woke up. Shota led me to his car in the parking lot and helped me in, driving to his apartment.

"H-how long was I asleep?" My voice came hoarse and almost unrecognizable, barely above a whisper. Shota snapped his head in my direction and his expression was shocked, almost like that of a person who just witnessed a mute miraculously start talking. Good thing we were already at his apartment complex.

"A month and a half." Shota said just as quietly as me, and honestly it didn't surprise me. We went up the elevator and into his house, being greeted by his little feline companion. Being in this familiar environment brought many memories back and that warmth in my chest. Sitting down on the couch facing each other I began mentally preparing for the longest talk of my life, just as I did I was sure Shota had a million of questions of his own, and I was willing to answer every single one of them for the sake of our relationship. And after this another talk awaited me back at my apartment with Jiro and Mina.

"We need to talk."

A/N: just a short chapter for my absence, I had some writer's block and lack of motivation but there's just the epilogue to finish this fanfic. Thank you for reading till this point <3