Back to Chaos

C H A P T E R - E L E V E N

True to her word, when the excitement of Firehouse 51 staying open had died down, Alyssa Torres had pulled Kelly Severide into his office.

The man still thought it odd to see her in her army camos but the way they contrasted her skin, he thought she looked beautiful. She sat on his bed, a small smile on her face as she looked at the man.

"I've missed you," was the first thing to leave her mouth. She had wanted to explain everything that had happened since she was gone but she had truly missed the man.

"I missed you too," Kelly says, smiling. "I know you wanted to explain but ... how did you - why did you come back?" It looked harsher than he had actually said it. He was glad to have her back but he was confused as to how she had known that Firehouse 51 was closing.

"I got a phone call," she says. "Liam called me and told me that they were trying to close 51 and then he passed along a message from Nathan Marks saying that he was trying to rally against Gail McLeod."

Kelly smiled at the fact that Nathan had something to do with it.

"I didn't want to leave, Kelly," Alyssa breathes, knowing she had to start from the beginning. "That night - at Molly's - my unit was already being deployed, I was going to tell you then. I wasn't supposed to leave for another week but ... I panicked when I saw Renee."

"The baby, it's not -"

"I know," she nods with a smile. "I listened to all of them - from her moving my clothes from the closet to her leaving, I listened to all of it. And I wish that I hadn't panicked, Kelly, because I should've been there while you were going through all of this but ... I panicked. I missed you so much, Kelly, I tried everything to come back here but nothing worked - the helicopters were only taking patients."

Kelly didn't speak for a moment, he just stared at the woman, happily taking in the fact that Alyssa was back.

"If I had known, Alyssa, if I had known that she would be there - if I had known that you would be leaving, Alyssa -"

"Then a lot would've changed, I know," she nods, a smile on her face. "And, looking back on everything we know now, all of us would change what we would've done. Did you ... did you ever look in my nightstand drawer?"

Kelly thought it was an odd question as he furrowed his brow and shook his head.

"I tried to leave your stuff as it was," he explains. "Why?"

"I ... I bought us an apartment. For just us - without Shay. I thought it was time and then ... I never got the time to actually give it to you."

"You've been paying for an unused apartment for six months?" the man chuckled and she realizes that she had been before nodding. "Seems like we gotta move into that soon, huh?"

He wanted to erase the memories of Renee Royce in their apartment and move into a new one as Alyssa and Kelly - not with the past of everything that had happened was there.

Alyssa wanted to apologize. She wanted to keep apologizing for everything - for leaving, for not being able to be there for Kelly as he went through everything, for not giving him the apartment key sooner.

And Kelly could tell, he could tell by the way that she looked at him that she still felt so bad about everything that happened.

"You don't need to apologize, Lys," the man says, moving to kneel in front of the woman. "I know that you didn't want to leave, all that matters is that you're here now. And we'll move into that new apartment and we'll figure everything out again. Okay?"

Alyssa nods with a small smile, glad that the man was so ready to jump back into the life that they previously had with a few new improvements.

"I was ... I was planning on going back to work at 90," she mentions. She knew that it might be too much at once but she wanted everything on the table in case there was something that he didn't want and they could delay their relationship until everything was figured out. "I figured that I'd been gone long enough that everything with Black ... I wanted to go back to 90." She didn't really have the heart to mention anything about what had actually happened with Black even though she had started the sentence with wanting to.

"You can do whatever you want, Lys," the man smiles, his tone encouragingly. He was just glad to have her back. If she wanted to go back to 90 then he wasn't going to stop her. "90 is your family, sweetheart, and you've been gone from them for a while too.

The woman leans forward, placing a gentle kiss on the man's lips. "I love you," she murmurs, her forehead leaning on his.

"I love you too," Kelly smiles.

"Can we ... can we stay here for a moment?" Alyssa asks when the man pulls away slightly. "I missed this. I missed you."

"Yeah, yeah, we can stay," the lieutenant nods. His hand was grabbed by the woman who motioned for him to lay on the bed before she cuddled up to his side.

His arms held her frame in the way that she had missed for months now. Her head rested on his chest, one hand gripping his t-shirt almost as if she feared he would disappear on her, and her other one clasped with one of his own.

"Do you," she felt hesitant every time she talked, "do you want kids?" When the man didn't answer, she continued in a quick voice. "I heard the way that you talked about not wanting to leave Renee because you wanted to help with the child. But ... is a baby something that you want?"

Kelly knew that answer as soon as the question left the woman's mouth but he hesitated anyway.

"I would like children at some point, yeah. I don't expect a child any time soon but ... at some point, I want to start a family with you, Lys. I'm in love with you and, even though I didn't want to leave that child fatherless, I still don't want to start a family with anyone but you."

"I don't ... I don't know if I can have kids," she mumbles.

"What?" Kelly asks, pulling away from her a bit to make eye contact with her.

"When I was a kid, they told me that I might not be able to have kids."

Although a part of the man was upset that they might not be able to have any biological children, he was quick to answer the woman, "that's okay, sweetheart, we can adopt, all right? We'll adopt as many as we want."

She was glad that he was open to adopting children so the two of them could start a family but she also could tell how upset the man was about the possibility of her not being able to carry their future children.

"That doesn't mean we can't try," Alyssa says. After all, she had said a possibility, she didn't know for sure that she couldn't have children and she definitely wanted to try. If there was even the smallest chance that she could carry a child with the man, she would take that chance.

"Either way, sweetheart, we will find a way to start a family, okay? Let's not worry about that right now, okay, just focus on what we have right now."

Kelly ran his fingers gently down her arm, feeling her breath gently on his chest and her grip tightening on his shirt. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before resting his chin on the top of her head.

His eyes remained on the woman's body as if he was afraid that she would vanish if he looked away from her. Both of them were careful - they would be for a while now. They just got the other back and weren't going to mess that up by doing something stupid. So, for now, they just enjoyed each other's company.

~

I know it's a short chapter but I didn't know how to fit this discussion into the next chapter planned. I am now on summer break from school so I am hoping to update more frequently and publish some more books!