Back to Chaos

C H A P T E R - F O U R T E E N

Alyssa Torres and Kelly Severide had been off of work for a week now with no news of whether or not Julian Black had been found.

Alyssa spent all of her time worried that the man would show up at their front door. But she knew that Kelly would let absolutely nothing happen to her. Erin Lindsay had been sure to have an undercover cop car parked outside their apartment building 24/7.

Even though she appreciated the concern, the idea of an officer stationed outside still didn't seem to settle her nerves. Alyssa missed work but she had previously thought that she was safe at 90 and it turned out that she was wrong - Black has still shown up at a scene and no one had seen him - he was like a ghost. So who was to say that the officer outside would be able to spot him?

Kelly refused to leave her side the entire time. He even insisted on having her come downstairs with him when he made meals but had her stay in their bedroom with the door closed when there was a weird thump in the main room or when there was a knock at the door.

In a way, it seemed as if Kelly was more scared of the idea of Julian Black than Alyssa was. Alyssa was up for doing a lot more than she was last time. She didn't spend much time in bed, she used Kelly's weights to keep herself active, she helped make dinner, and she helped do chores.

With all her free time, she ordered organization stuff from Amazon and began organizing their new apartment since she hadn't had the time before.

Their master bedroom got a better organization in the drawers and the cabinets with drawer organizers and tiered cabinet organizers. Their kitchen drawers and cabinets were organized, as was their fridge. More decoration was added to the kitchen, dining room, living room, and entrance. All in all, all this free time was killing her.

Alyssa would admit that she had been looking for the time to be able to do all of this but she had accepted that she would never have enough time to do it. And she didn't like the fact that she did now.

"I want to go back to work," she mumbled to Kelly for what felt like the thousandth time. It was two in the morning and neither of them seemed to be able to sleep. They'd been watching a movie that'd ended around midnight and they'd proceeded to lay together in bed, not saying a word.

Her boyfriend let out a sigh as he moved the arm that wasn't wrapped around her body to slide down his face, resting over his mouth.

"I know, Alyssa. I do but ... it's dangerous, sweetheart. Especially with us at different firehouses. I can't let anything happen to you again."

"I'm bored, Kelly. And I already let him run my life once before."

"You saw him, Alyssa. He was there. You can't seriously want to go back to work knowing that he knows you're in Chicago. You can't want to go back to work just because you're bored."

"Kelly, I'm tired of not being able to live my life."

"Alyssa." Kelly didn't know what else to say. He was stressed and frankly annoyed that she was so persistent to go back to work. She wasn't thinking of her safety or of the toll this could take on her mental health. "Alyssa, I'm worried about you. I'm always worried about you. And you need to worry about yourself. He's back, Alyssa, you need to remember that."

"Remember that?" Alyssa repeats, moving to a sitting-up position to stare at the man. "How could I forget that? Kelly, I want to live my life. I know that he's here and I'm fucking terrified but I'm tired of doing nothing all the time but worry. I want to be able to live my life with you, Kelly. I want to get married, I want to start a family, I want to live normally without constantly being worried."

Kelly sat up, resting his back against the headrest pushed against the wall. He knew that he had taken it a step too far by telling her to remember what Black had done to her.

"Come here, princess," he opened his arms, inviting the woman towards him. She sat on his thighs, straddling the man with her knees pressed into the bed. Her forehead rested against his as she set her hands on his shoulders. "I love you, Alyssa. And I'm terrified that ... that he's going to do something to you and I won't be there to help you."

"I don't need you there to save me, Kelly. I can save myself. I just need you here to love me after everything I've been through."

"I'm always going to love you," he spoke softly, kissing the side of her head as he pulled her closer. She was a strong woman, he knew that much. He knew that she had gotten along perfectly well for ten years without his support. But things had changed. They weren't as they were ten years ago, things had happened - they'd experienced things together that never would've happened ten years ago.

Alyssa rested her head against the front of his shoulder, her arms tightly around the man. "I want this to be over," she whispers.

"I know," Kelly answers, a small frown on his face. "I do too, sweetheart. I do too."

But it was far from ending soon, unfortunately.

A week later, absolutely nothing had changed. The couple were still couped up in their apartment, bored out of their minds, and struggling to figure out what to do next.

"Kelly," Alyssa groaned, sitting up from the couch where she had been laid down, and scrolling through her phone.

"Yeah, sweetheart?" he answers, glancing over his shoulder to see the woman for a second before focusing back

"When is this going to be over?" she sighs, collapsing back onto the couch as she sighs. She was no longer physically exhausted from work but more mentally exhausted from living through her current situation.

"I don't know, darling, I'm sorry," he answers, turning around to lean against the counter. This was obviously taking a toll on both of them. Their daily routines were the same day-in and day-out. They'd wake up, complain, have breakfast, complain, sit around, complain, have lunch, be bored, complain, have dinner, complain, watch TV, complain, go to bed, repeat.

It was becoming too much for Alyssa. She was bored out of her mind. She loved Kelly, she loved spending time with him, but it was becoming a lot for her. She still wanted to live with him, she still wanted to be with him. But every day, all day was too much. There was no work to seperate them for a day, there was no more longing to see each other because both of them were right there.

"We need something," she spoke. "Before this ruins us, Kelly."

What the man didn't want to admit was that he knew exactly what Alyssa was talking about. He loved Alyssa, he could easily say that she was the love of his life. But it was a lot. He loved being around her, he loved living with her, but it was a lot. It wasn't the situation, it had nothing to do with what had happened to Alyssa, it was simply spending too much time together.

"If you ... if you're up for it, I will be okay if you go to work tomorrow," Alyssa said. "I know you don't want me out there so ... if you want to go work at 51, I will be okay home alone."

"No," Kelly spoke, shaking his head as he ran a hand down his face. "No, no. We can both go to work. I'd rather have you around everyone at 90 rather than you here alone."

And somehow, it was settled

The two would return to their individual firehouses, Alyssa protected by the people at Firehouse 90, and Kelly would be nonstop worrying. But both were worried about the toll this would take on their relationship if they continued to spend every day, all day together.