Low on Serotonin

For a Change

Why would I trust the cries of memories
now that they bleed faux shit?
                                                              -J

As I write this, the pen in the middle of my forefinger and the thumb starts shaking. It's that time again. Tears roll down my eyes, paper is wet and to this day I wonder if he will call me. Text me a hi. It's been two weeks now since Damien left. I am not going to let myself pass into melancholy this time though. I have suffered enough over unrequited shit. It all started in school. In fifth grade. But more on that later. 

I grab my phone from under the pillow and open findyourmate. I am again in a left swipe race until I stumble upon this jock with a swimmer's body, Tyler. But I am reminded of what Kaya told me the last time I met her.

Jen never go for jocks or any irresistibly good looking guy for that matter.

Lol why? You don't like eye candies? Zamn. But they're all that appear in my daydreams hehe.

Who doesn't like eye candies dude? See the thing about these eye candies is that their asses can't stay loyal for too long. Not their fault. Blame their charm. An average or ugly man on the other hand treats your ass like a queen. Cause duh where else would he go?

Okay so that's Kaya! What she told me might not be entirely true but I'll be very honest, I was extra convinced by what she said and I too have resolved that I'll go for average looking loyal asses. Also, what she said might be one of the reasons we see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys.

Anyway. I swipe left on Tyler and many more irresistible candies cause Kaya. Argh. Then I come across this guy Kyle, I can't help but keep swooning over his picture where he has his hand running through his hair and his flick drops down till his nose and on top of everything, he's wearing black. My favorite color on a man! His bio says Are you lost baby girl? with Something Casual explicitly mentioned.

This one is a definite no.

I feel like having a tech detox and I turn off my phone right after texting Pro. She isn't back from Silicon just yet and I am hating it. I wanted to tell her all about things with Damien in person cause I know she's going to go mad at me for sure. Dr. Malcolm hasn't been picking my calls and that leaves Pro as the only person in the world whom I can tell how much I am suffering without fearing being judged.

I leave my table in the hall as the doorbell rings.

I think my heart just skipped a beat. I see Nilansh with a large brown envelope in his hands. He is all black today, wearing a pantsuit as if he came straight from the office.

"Hey Jenna."

"Umm Hey."

"Can I come in? If you don't mind."

"Hey. No. sure. What's up?" I ask as I shut the door as he comes in.

"Umm where do I put this?" He raises the envelope and I signal him towards the sofa.

"Come sit. What's in it?"

We both sit down and I bring my knees together. Tight.

"So. How you doing? Your knee all good? I see that the arm has gotten better. Are you getting out of the house at all?"

"Yeah yeah. I have been going to work for two days now. I can walk properly and everything. I do have this swelling here though which weirdly came out of nowhere. It only started hurting after days." I point at my neck region and he starts rubbing the area softly.

 Ouch. Okay. Oh god.

"Aah I see. It's okay it'll heal. It does seem blue though. Shit."

"No it's okay I guess. I'll be fine." I remove his hand gently from my neck and try putting my hair behind my ear.