Still Holding On

Chapter 7

"Sir, Loki has just woken up from an apparent nightmare."

Tony groans and rolls over, shoving his pillow over his ear. Telling JARVIS to keep an eye on the guy seemed like a much better idea before he actually followed through.

Tony reluctantly sits up and tosses his pillow aside. He grabs the tablet from beside his bed, hastily unplugging the charger and tossing it on the floor. "Show me the footage. I'm not getting up if I don't have to."

The tablet lights up with the live security footage. Loki is curled up in the corner of the room, hugging his knees into his chest. Tony zooms in on him, and he gets a better look at the god rocking back and forth, his eyes darting around the room frantically.

Tony sighs and puts the tablet away. Oh, that's just great. He grabs the Advil off of his nightstand and heads out to check on the god. It's been long enough since his last dose. If nothing else, at least he can try to dull the headache.

This time, Tony doesn't knock. He opens the door slowly, poking his head inside. Despite his best efforts, Loki still flinches at the sight. The lightswitch flicks down, enveloping him in darkness. Tony makes a point of leaving the door open, and the light that floods in illuminates the tear stains down the god's face.

"Hey," Tony says quietly, as though speaking to a wounded animal. "Everything okay in here?"

Loki forces a nod. Tony doesn't believe it for a moment.

"How's your head?" Tony asks. "Must be getting better if you were able to fall asleep, right?"

"It's fine," Loki croaks.

"Mm," Tony hums. No, it's not. He pours out a small pile of Advil and leaves them on the table by the door. "For whenever you're feeling up to taking them," he says. "Did sleeping make you feel any better?"

Loki just shakes his head.

"Yeah, you probably need more than a few hours for that," Tony remarks. "Nightmare?"

In spite of everything, Loki huffs a sarcastic laugh at that. "Nightmare," he echoes back, shaking his head. "I am not a child, Stark."

We all get nightmares, Loki.

He almost says it.

He wants to say it.

But he doesn't.

Because he's not going to admit to the mass murderer living in his tower that he has nightmares, too; that he's had nightmares nearly weekly since those three months he spent in Afghanistan. He doesn't care how sad and pathetic Loki looks. He's not confiding in him. Not about this, and not about anything.

Instead, he settles on a colder, more sarcastic answer. "You've been huddled up in a corner bawling your eyes out for 12 hours straight, so I really don't think a nightmare's gonna be the most embarrassing thing to happen to you today."

Loki narrows his eyes in a short-lived glare, but then he groans, squeezes his eyes shut and clutching his head.

Tony just stands there for a few moments.

Well.

This is fun.

"Loki?" Tony says cautiously. "You good?"

Loki shakes his head. "I need—" He feels around helplessly, desperate for something to touch, something to hold onto. "I need to get up," he says breathlessly.

"Woah, okay, hang on," Tony says quickly.

Loki tries to stand up, supporting himself against the wall while his legs shake beneath him. Tony crosses the room as quickly as he can, and for good reason. He makes it just in time to catch the god as he falls, his legs giving out from under him.

"Let's sit down," Tony says.

"No." Loki pushes him away weakly, to no avail. "I am not sitting down again."

"Well, you're clearly not standing up, either," Tony says, "so sit your ass down."

"I can stand," Loki insists. "I can—"

"You're breaking my back, Loki," Tony interrupts. "Sit the fuck down."

Loki rather gracelessly plops down on the floor, though whether it's because he decided to listen or he just couldn't hold himself up any longer, Tony isn't sure.

Tony sighs and sits down across from him on the edge of Loki's new and seemingly unused bed. "What do you want to do, Loki?"

Loki pulls his knees into his chest and clasps his head in his hands. He whimpers softly and presses his forehead against his knees.

"Did the Advil help this time?" he asks.

"Mm-hmm."

"You wanna try taking more now?" Tony asks.

"I don't know," Loki mumbles. "I suppose."

"Okay, hang on." Tony grabs the pile of Advil off the table and brings it to him. He still has his bottle of water next to him, and Tony holds that out to him, too. "Here. Drug yourself."

Loki lets his head fall back against the wall. He takes the water first, then the pills, and he can only swallow one at a time, grimacing with every sip of his drink.

Tony sits back down on the bed and watches him with a frown. This is so weird. "Look, just go back to sleep, okay?"

"No," Loki says immediately.

"Loki, you need to sleep," Tony insists. "A nightmare'll only last—"

"I do not fear nightmares," Loki says. "I am not afraid of my own mind."

"Then why won't you go to sleep?" Tony asks.

"I will," Loki says. "When the connection fades and I can do so unimpeded. But until this—" He cuts himself off with a pained groan, throwing his head back against the wall. He presses his hand against his forehead to numb the pain.

Tony gives him a minute or so to get his bearings. His body begins to relax, and his hand finds its way back to the floor by his side. He lets his head fall forward, his forehead hitting his knees.

"Look," Tony says, "if you're not gonna sleep, you can at least have something to eat."

"No."

Tony sighs. "Loki—"

"I did not ask for your help, Stark."

"I don't care," Tony says. "Thor's gonna kill me if he gets back and you're on death's doorstep. Now get up. We're finding you something to eat."