Still Holding On

Chapter 61

"Loki and Captain Rogers are here," JARVIS announces.

Tony looks at Pepper warily. They're here. Loki is here. This week from hell is over, and Loki's finally back. He wants to be excited, but really, he's just scared. He's afraid he'll mess this up even more than he did the last time.

"Send them up," Pepper tells the AI. To Tony, she says, "It's going to be fine. Just don't hound him, okay? If he needs space, give him space."

"I know," Tony says, a bit defensively. He knows that. Of course he knows that. He could have lied and kept Loki in the building if he wanted, but he didn't, because he knows that. But it's going to be far easier said than done, he's sure.

The two of them lapse into silence, though it hardly feels silent with all of the thoughts racing through his mind.

"What do I say?" Tony asks suddenly. He hadn't thought about that. (That's not entirely true. He's thought about it a lot. He's daydreamed about this a lot, and he's gone through so many iterations of how this interaction could go, it's as though the whole multiverse lives inside his mind. But none of it was realistic. He doesn't know what he should realistically say.)

"I don't know, say 'hi,'" Pepper says. "Maybe ask how he's doing."

"Should I apologize now, or wait until later?" Tony asks. Because he really does want to apologize, and Loki certainly deserves to hear it, but in front of Steve and Pepper? Is that weird? It feels like it will be weird. But will it be weirder not to? To have that hanging between them until he gets his chance?

Pepper crosses her arms, looking at him with an eyebrow raised. "I've never seen you this worked up about talking to someone."

"Well, Loki's not just someone," Tony says. "He's... him." And that's all there is to it. He's him, the man Tony loves – and the man he absolutely fucked things up with, in true Tony Stark fashion.

Pepper sighs and gently rubs his back. He's certainly not subtle about his feelings. Neither of them has said it outright, but he's sure she knows. He can't imagine she's missed all of his glaringly obvious signs.

It feels as though the wait stretches on for hours, but finally, Loki and Steve step into the lab. The latter holds the scepter, and Tony's almost surprised SHIELD was willing to give it up. He bets that was a hell of a fight.

Steve is looking around, marveling at the state-of-the-art technology in the room that he doubtlessly does not understand at all. Loki, meanwhile, is staring straight at the floor. He could hardly make it more obvious that he doesn't want to be here if he tried. It's not quite the reunion he'd hoped for, but then, he'd known it wouldn't be.

"Hi," Tony says awkwardly.

"Hey," Steve replies, finally tearing his gaze away from the machinery to look at both him and Pepper.

Loki doesn't do the same. It makes it rather hard to talk to him when he won't even look up.

Pepper doesn't seem to find this situation nearly as awkward as Tony does, because she walks up to Steve and holds out her hand. "It's nice to finally meet you."

Steve shakes her hand. "You too, Ms. Potts."

"Pepper," she says with a friendly smile.

Steve returns it with a smile of his own. "Steve."

Now that that's sorted out, Pepper turns her attention to Loki – something Tony doesn't have the guts to do himself. "It's nice to see you again."

"Mm," Loki hums.