Still Holding On

Chapter 31

"Sir, you might want to check on Loki."

Natasha's barely left the building before JARVIS speaks, and Tony's confused. Of course he's going to check in with Loki. He only left the guy alone so he could talk to Natasha. Obviously he was going to go back and talk to him. Why does JARVIS have to tell him that?

As he heads back to the elevator, he asks, "Where is he? Still waiting for me in the kitchen?"

"No, sir, he is in your bedroom," JARVIS says.

Well, that works too. Tony takes the elevator up, and then he's on his way to see Loki. Now the question becomes, how does he explain away how fucking weird Natasha was? That was not the most comfortable of conversations. If he'd known it would go like that and if he'd known Natasha would tell Fury anyway, he probably would have just told her to get lost and dealt with the consequences later.

But, because that's not an option, he heads to his room to do damage control. He'll just tell Loki not to worry about her, and that she's always like this so it's nothing personal. Then they can move on like nothing happened. It'll be a whole other problem if and when SHIELD gets involved, but that's a problem for future them. Hopefully he'll be better prepared for that one.

Tony knocks on the door, then opens it without waiting for an answer. He finds Loki sitting in bed, hugging his pillow tight in his arms. His eyes are rimmed with red, and he hastily wipes the tears from his face. Tony feels his heart drop. This was not supposed to happen.

"Hey, what's up with you?" Tony asks gently, making his way over to sit next to him.

Loki shakes his head. "It's nothing."

"No, I'm pretty sure it's something," Tony says. He nudges Loki's shoulder with his own. "What's up? Is it Nat? 'Cause I know she—"

"No, no, she was fine," Loki assures him. "She seems nice. She was very civil."

Tony would not use any of those words to describe her visit, but he doesn't say that. If Natasha really isn't what's bothering him, there's no reason to dwell on it right now — and if she is what's bothering him, he's going to need to take several deep breaths before he tracks her down and hits her with a car.

"Well, something's up," Tony says, "so if it's not Nat, what is it?"

"Nothing," Loki says. "I just... I'm so confused." His voice breaks, and he buries his face in his pillow again, muffling the sound of his quiet sobs against the fabric.

"Hey, hey, stop that," Tony says quietly, wrapping his arm around him in a way that may or may not be comforting. God, he was not cut out for this role. "What do you mean, you're confused? Confused about what?"

"Everything," Loki sobs.

"What kind of everything?"

"Everything like..." He lifts head to look at him, tears streaming down his face. "Your name is Tony?"

Tony blinks at that. "You're upset that my name is Tony?" He's so taken aback, he forgets for a moment that he's supposed to feel sorry. If anything, it just makes him confused, too. Is that really such a bad name? He likes his name. He thinks it fits him well.

"I'm upset that I don't know that," Loki sobs. "I've been here for how long? And I didn't even know your name!"

"Of course you know my name," Tony says patiently. "You call me Stark. That's my name, too."

"And it's not only that," Loki continues. "She asked me how we met, and I don't know! I do not know how I know you. I don't know how I got here. I don't even know where I am. I don't know anything. Do you know what that's like?"