Short Stories

Depression

It's currently 12 am on a Monday morning and I can't sleep because I suddenly had inspiration to write and I can't fall asleep until I write this so... Here goes nothing.

(Remember, it is 12 am and I am sleep deprived so if this is bad, I'm truly sorry.)

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Robs pov

I laid sprawled out on my bed, soaking up the darkness of the early morning, Canadian air. The depressing 3 am thoughts came waltzing through my head, not a minute late as I stare at the clock. Why couldn't I fall asleep before the thoughts nestled inside my head? If I was dreaming, the thoughts would be silent, but then again, sometimes the quiet is violent, at least that's what Tyler Joseph says, in his song car radio.

"You're a worthless, gay, nothing."

The thoughts were correct. I've brought nothing into this world, except my YouTube channel, but lately that hasn't been a hit, for I get over a thousand hate comments per video. I was worthless.

Besides worthless, I was gay too. Well, pansexual. But what more can I say, guys personalities are better than most girls, so we'll go with gay. For heavens sake, I was in love with the straightest guy I've ever known. He's also my best friend, Preston.

Preston has literally been there for me my entire life. He's been the glue, holding me together every morning when the thoughts come to visit. When I first told him, it was a quiet day. Preston barely talked, which was unusual and since I was so sleep deprived from having no sleep for about a week of the constant suicidal thoughts (though it shouldn't be such a big deal since I've never fully had a sleeping schedule from late night recordings with the pack). Preston sensed something was wrong, so he asked in his calmest voice. I didn't realize it would come out as fast as it did, but I told him the truth. Since that day, he goes out of his way, calling me every night to make sure I'm alive and can fall asleep. His motto is literally, "stay alive, stay alive for me."

Tonight was particularly different from the rest. Hours seemed to go by with the thoughts of ending my life. There wasn't a call. I tossed and turned, keeping calm with the thought, "don't worry, Preston will call. He's never let you down before, so why would he start now?". My eyes never left my alarm clock. I watched as it ticked slowly to 4:38. I dreaded watching the time go by, it only reminded me of Preston, and how he chose to finally let me down. More thoughts came from the back of my mind.

"Preston never cared, why would he?"

Again, it was the truth. They always are, and that's what makes the deadly. That's what drives you to off yourself. Preston really had no reason to care, he was perfect. He had everything I didn't. He had his looks, and his cuteness that makes everyone fall in love with him. He has his caring personally, which was the reason I loved him so. I loved everything about him. From the way his eyes droop in the sleepiness way to the small hiccups he gets in every recording. Maybe that's my problem, I should have fallen in love with myself before I fell in love with him.

I drift away from the thought of Preston to see the time again. 4:47 am. I watched it for another minute, pondering if I should go into the bathroom, so spend some time with my old friend who lived between the wall and the tub. It's been awhile since I've used my razor, since Preston found out, to be honest. Was another mark on my skin worth it?

I nod my head, yes as I push the blankets away from my body. I get up and grab my phone. I hesitate before I grab it. Preston wasn't going to call. He would have by now. I make my way to the bathroom. Once I'm out of my bedroom, I halt, thinking I heard my phone ring. I turn around and peek my head into the room. My phone laid there, untouched and silent. I sigh. I'm going crazy because of Preston.

I lean against my door frame and slide to the ground. Was a razor going to fix my problems? I thought long and hard for the answer. I still have problems, don't I? If it never worked in the first place, why should I continue? I close my eyes and try to let my body drift away into a sleep.

My eyes open quickly, and they begin to dart around the room. There was an eerie familiar noise, lingering in the air. My phone illuminated the air with a bright light, filling the dark and depressing room. I rush up and run to my phone, answering it once I've seen who was on the caller I.D.

"I'm so sorry that I'm late, the time zones are crazy. But are you okay?" I hear Preston's voice on the other line. I smile to myself. It felt great to hear his angelic voice, and to know he didn't give up on me.

I try to hide my smile, because I've learned that you can always tell when someone's smiling on the other end of the phone. It's usually been an experiment that I've usually have been trying with my parents. Who knows if it's legitimate.

Failing miserably with hiding my grin, I reply, " well, I am now. Thanks." My eyes already started to drift to sleep. I loved falling asleep to the sound of presto so voice. It was one of the many beauties in life, most of the beauties being Preston.

"Good, glad to help." Preston exclaimed. My grin widens, for my experiment worked. Preston was on the other end, smiling his cute little smile, that was another thing I had to add to the things I loved about him. And with that, I fell asleep to the voice of my true love.

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Okay, that is 1000 words. I hope you like it and I'm extremely sorry that I haven't been on lately, especially posting on this. I hope this long story will make up for that, have a wonderful and safe night, or morning. 🌵