If only... {💯%}

7. Oh my-

Ben was sitting outside for a minute, he needed some air.
Gil gave him a happy feeling... He hadn't feel that with Mal for a while now... He thought it was because they didn't have to worry...
Although maybe he should?
Ben sighed and he dropped his head in his hands.
"Why am I such a fuck-up?" he mumbled.
"You're not a fuck-up. You did great with your improvised speach." a voice said and Ben looked up, seeing Gil.
"Gil-? What are you doing out here?" Ben couldn't hide his surprise but he did manage to hide his joy.
"Everyone was talking and I don't think anyone noticed that you went outside... Neither they noticed me but I'm not surprised about that."
"Oh." Ben said and he nticed that Gil sat down next to him in silence.
It didn't take long for him to break the silence.
"...why are you sitting out here?" Gil asked.
"Because I needed to get away from there..." Ben replied calmly.
"Why?"
"Because I need to figure out something..."
"...why?"
Ben eyed at Gil.
"Is 'why?' your only reply?"
"Well Harry and Uma often say that I don't understand things, so I want to make sure that I do."
Ben smiled a bit.
"You do understand things, don't let Harry and Uma talk you down. Alright?"
"Okay... But what's the thing which you need to figure out?"
"If I can marry Mal."
"What do you mean?"
"...I feel like I'm betraying her."
"How so?"
"I... I'm not sure if I can tell you."
Gil frowned and Ben sighed.
"You want to ask 'why?' don't you?"
"...yes." Gil replied softly.
"I... I think I might be... Gods why is this so damn hard..."
"I have no idea what you're about to--" Gil said but he couldn't finish is sentence.
Ben had pressed his lips on Gil's but pulled away a second after.
Panick all over his face.
"God what did I just do...?" Ben mumbled and he rushed a hand through his hair.
"Ben I-"
"Gil please, can you keep this between us? I don't-- I don't know why I just did that... I mean I kinda do but also don't... God I screwed up..."
Gil sat there awkwardly, feeling happy that Ben kissed him, but feeling bad that he was happy about it while Ben was freaking out.

After the Valentinesday Gala, Ben told the others that he wasn't feeling well and that he wanted to leave. Mal offered to go with him but he assured him that it was going to be fine.
Once he was home, he immediately felt that his mom knew that something was up.
"You're home before your father... Is something wrong?"
"I kissed a guy." Ben blurted.