Cherry Bomb (Orange is the New Black fanfic)

Chaptet 17

Denial:

Kiss her, those are the words that pop up into my head and burrow into my skull like a parasite.

I blink, unsure of why my thoughts are going into that direction. Into a place that I buried deep inside me and promised to never let out.

Kissing girls is wrong, Its unnatural...Then why do I have the sudden urge to put my lips on Nicky's?

"Cherry?" Nicky whispers, snapping me out of my trance before I could spiral further.

Coming to my senses, I take a step back and lean against the sinks, my hands clenching the edge behind me.

Nicky's arms fall to her side, her hands clenching.

"Shit, my hands are sticky now" She remarks with a chuckle.

"Your the one that grabbed my shoulders" I bark back but it comes out tired and deflated, nothing like my usual anger.

She gives me a sad smile, "We still have time before breakfast ends, let's clean you up."

"Where am I supposed to get a new jumpsuit? I can't wash this all off, its completely ruined" I whine and gesture to all of my outfit.

"I think I can get you a new one, just give me a second. Go ahead and take off the new one and clean up as best you can, yeah?" Nicky says and I frown as she leaves the bathroom, her  hands giving me finger guns as she gives me one last look.

I take a deep breath but my chest hitches and I have to force myself not to start crying again.

God, this is so pathetic.

Fuck it, I've already humiliated myself to the point of no return so I might as well take off my jumpsuit.

Pulling the sticky zipper down, I try not to look at myself in the mirror.

I know if I see my horribly scarred body again, I'll lose it.

Pulling my jumpsuit totally off, I set it on the counter, my eyes casting downwards the entire time.

Swallowing roughly at the realization that I probably have to look at myself in order to clean up, I force my eyes forward.

My hand covers my mouth as a muffled gasp escapes my lips.

My tan skin is a deep contrast against the stark white walls of the bathroom.

The scars and burns that line my arms, legs and stomach glow hauntingly under the artificial light above me.

I trail my fingers along the deep burn mark on my hip bone, the skin mutilated and a jarring blood red.

"You can do this, Cherry. You got this" I mummer to myself as I take a handful of water and carefully splash it over the syrup.

Luckily, my underwear and bra weren't affected like the rest of me, so I just need to clean my skin and jumpsuit.

Easy enough, right?

Using soap from a dispenser, I scrub my arms until they turn raw.

"Come on" I hiss, the soap forming bubbles as I roughly try to scratch the syrup away.

The door creaks open and I freeze, my hand squeezing my arm.

"Cherry, I'm back! And guess what? I got you a new jumpsuit!" Nicky's voice cheerfully sings as her reflection comes into view behind me.

I don't turn around as I can see her expression in the mirror, her eyes wide as her smile slowly fades away.

"Shit" is all she says.

Curling my arms around my chest, I finally turn around, my body on full display.

"Jesus" She gasps and goes to reach me but stops midway.

"I know. I'm hideous" I say with a dry laugh, my head low in shame.

Nicky shakes her head, "Your beautiful."

My head snaps up and I frown in confusion. Did I hear her wrong?

"Don't lie to me, I can handle the truth" I say as the heat rises in my cheeks.

Her eyes scan over my body. Over every inch of scars and burns.

But she doesn't recoil in disgust, she just smiles as she takes me all in.

"I'll admit, its kind of shocking but Cherry, you..."

She swallows and takes a step forward, "You don't have to hide your true self from me. Your beautiful with or without scars."

I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from screaming.

She's lying to me. She's lying. Lying. Lying.

"Stop. Just, please, stop" I whisper, my voice hoarse.

"Cherry, what do you mean?" She takes another hesitant step forward but I hold my hand out, not wanting her to get any closer or I might punch her.

"Just stop! Please, Nicky" I yell, my words now coming out between heavy sobs.

God, I'm crying. I'm so pathetic, I'm so useless-

Nicky grabs onto my wrist and I flinch but she doesn't let go.

"Look at me" she orders but I don't think I have the guts to do so.

Her finger gently lifts my chin up until we're eye to eye.

"I mean everything I'm saying, Cherry. Your scars don't freak me out. I think of them as memories, you know? It shows me how strong you are, how much you've dealt with."

I sniffle and slightly nod my head.

She softly tightens her grip on my chin, her hand now scooping my cheek.

"Do you understand?"

My eyes burn from crying and I can't understand why in the world how Nicky is able to be so calm in a situation like this.

She saw my body. My scars. She saw the real, uncensored me.

How is she able to be so...kind?

"I don't believe you" I finally whisper, my words burning my throat.

She sighs, "I know, I know.."

Nicky takes her hand away from my cheek and I instantly miss the warmth.

I want her to grasp my face in her hands...

I want her to kiss me, I want her to...

What do I actually want from Nicky?

AN:
I love this chapter so much!!! Finally some wholesome fluff between Nicky and Cherry! Like and comment please!!

Am I writing this cause I want someone to comfort me this way about my scars? Yes