shawn mendes imagines

selfish

I hear the shower turn on and Shawn's light humming come from
the closed bathroom door. I smiled lightly.

It was currently one in the morning. Yet, I still loved staying up every night to hear his soft voice sing out lyrics while he took his midnight shower. It was like a routine for him. Go to bed, sleep, wake up, shower, come back to bed. He told me it was for stress.

I didn't mind that it woke me up, because when he came out he smelled strongly of the coconut body wash that I gave him for Christmas, which he used despite his hate for the fruity smell just to make me happy. He whined for me to cuddle with him and watch the busy Los Angeles city lights together as we fell asleep. It was my favorite part of the day. This time, it wasn't.

As I rolled my head back, letting it gently hit the headboard as his angelic voice carried through my ears, I hear Shawn's phone buzz on the bedside table. I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion. Who would be texting him at this time of day?

I grab his phone, not really thinking too much of privacy at that moment, and checking the text.

Mel😊❤️: Hiii Shawny Boy. I just wanted to tell you I had an amazing time the other night.. I hope you can come over again soon(;

Shawny boy? That was my nickname for him. My chest got heavy and tears threatened to spill out of my eyes. Who the hell was Mel? I hear the shower turn off, and the curtain being pulled back. Shit. I quickly put the phone back where I found it, and covered myself with the sheets, pretending to be asleep. I didn't even want to look at his face at that moment. I was disgusted.

The bathroom door opened and shut and Shawn rolled into bed, his strong arms pulling me toward his body. He began to kiss my neck, but I roughly shoved him away and turned the opposite way.

"Baby? What's wrong?" He asked confusedly, reaching over and turning on the lamp beside us. I couldn't keep it in any longer. The tears started rolling.

"Y/n? Why are you crying? Did I do something?" he said, worried, eyebrows pulled together, hands attached to my checks forcing me to look into his eyes. His beautiful creamy brown eyes. It took me a few seconds, but I looked away, knowing if I looked even a moment longer it would be impossible to get mad at him.

I scowled and picked up his phone once again and threw it at his bare chest.

"Check your phone, Shawny boy," I hissed angrily, mocking the girls words, hoping he'd get the point. He didn't.

"Okay..?" he questioned, clicking the home button. I saw clearly as the confusion in his eyes disappeared, being replaced by fear. He covered it up fast, but it was too late. I could already see the guilt.

"Baby, Mel is just a friend. She was talking about when I went over to her house to work on a couple of lyrics. Don't worry," he said, lightly chuckling. But I knew my Shawn too well. I could tell he was lying to me by the almost unnoticeable twitch in his left eye, and the way he played with his fingertips.

"Really, Shawn? Do you think I'm a dumbass? Why the fuck are you lying to me?" I shouted, ripping the sheets off of me and standing up.

"I'm not lying baby!" he cried out, grasping onto my wrist and trying to get me into the bed.

"Fuck, Shawn, I thought maybe we could've worked this out, but now that you think I'm naive enough to believe your shitty lies? Fuck you, I'm out," I laughed out of anger, and grabbed my duffle bag from our closet.

"Wait!" he sobbed as he began to throw the things I was shoving into my bag onto the floor, "Just hear me out!"

I turned around and looked him dead in the eyes, ignoring the stinging feeling in my heart when I saw his rosy cheeks wet with tears.

"Shawn I want you to look me right in the damn eyes and tell me you didn't mess with that girl behind my back," I whispered.

And that's when my heart broke into a million pieces. I could hear it drop the bottom of my stomach and shatter like glass, the sharp shards cutting into my body. He didn't answer me. He couldn't answer me. He just looked down in shame, continuing to sob into his hands.

"Y-n-" he began.

"God, you're disgusting," I cut him off with a sharp voice, throwing whatever I had in the bed onto the floor, grabbing my phone, and running as fast as I could to the door.

"Baby please don't leave me. Please," I could hear his soft voice repeat over and over again.

But I wasn't going to stay. Not this time. I wasn't going to be that girl who's blinded by love, so much to the point where they can't see that if he really really loved you, he wouldn't have been so selfish. I grew up with my grandmother telling me this repeatedly, drilling it into my skull.

"Never, ever, rely all of your happiness on a man, darling. Remember that cheaters are selfish. Because if you think about it, in that very moment, when they're lips are touching ones that aren't yours, all they're thinking about is themselves. And God damn, baby girl, you don't deserve that. Not one bit."

--------

slightly proud of this idek honestly ughabsbbaba