Closed Gaps

Chapter 13: Worst Times

Jimin's Pov

"Jimin..."

"Hmm?"

"You still haven't ate your cake I gave you hours ago"

"Eomma, I'm not hungry. Just let me do my work" I rolled my eyes without looking at her.

The piece of cake has been laying in the table since two hours or so and I haven't even touched it. Well, I'm particularly not hungry but who'll argue with Eomma now?

"You need to eat, dear. Have you checked your body these days? You're getting unhealthily skinny. How will you for in your engagement suit? Jesus, your face!" I finally looked at her from my sketch, giving her an annoyed look. Am I really getting that skinny?

"Eomma, you have to understand-"

"No, I don't get to hear about any other complaints. You're starting to eat more food from tomorrow. I'll make a good schedule for you to follow" My mouth pop opened as I stared at her with widened eyes.

"Eomma! I'm perfectly fine! You don't have to make me any schedule, I'm not a kid. You should've told me before that you had a problem with my eating disorder" I looked away as my words slipped out of my tongue.

Well, forgive me for getting frustrated at these daily taunting about my health and eating disorders. I'm trying so bad, but I can't make it enough. Why can't anyone notice my trying? Everyone's there to judge you whenever you're at the hardest moment of your life, but no one's actually there for you when you need them to be.

A bitter truth. I hated those. I could coexist with everything other than bitter truths.

"Jimin-ah.. honey, I've never had problems with your eating disorders. It's just y-you were eating fine since a few days until it stopped lately. I was worried about you, dear. Don't get mad, I know you're trying but-

"But what Eomma? You're implying now I should start eating like a monster? I should gain more weight? Y'all were so mad at me when I was gaining weight which was natural! I've been told so many fucking times that I'm starting to eat like a pig! That's why I've left everything now! It's not enough for you guys? I'm still not doing enough?" I yelled, slowly catching my breath as I finished.

"Honey..." Eomma came closer hugging me as I leaned into her in defeat. I needed that comfort.

"Why is it so hard, Mum? I'm trying my best, b-but it isn't making thorough..I-I-

Fresh tears fell from my face as I stuttered in my words. It was a habit. Stuttering while crying or whenever I'm emotional. It was so hard living life with it's every rule. No one is made with flaws. I'm not too, but I keep trying to be best.

I want to be capable for everyone, I wanted to be best so everyone would appreciate me. That's why I always see the world from its positive side so it won't effect me anymore than it already did.

That's why, I smile. Smiling helps me so much. Maybe I'm still my past self but I've improved..a lot. And I will still  try. But it was hard.. always is

"Jimin-ah, You're trying your best. I was so harsh on you, dear. I'm so sorry. All of my life, I've blamed you for everything. Even when you were at your tough time. I was a miserable mom back then, I should've- I should've kept you away from him. Maybe.. maybe I could have saved them too, oh how much I regret those moments" She mumbled the last part.

My breathing stopped..I could feel my tears stopping midway too. I closed my eyes jumping back in time...
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4 years ago

I was humming a tune as I sketched a new design. I've been working on it for so long. I gave Soojin a promise that I'll deliver her this design by the end of the week. The day was really beautiful today, the sky was so pretty. It was spring. How much I've treasured the warmth and lovely floral fragrance in the air during spring time.