Not my body | l.s.

1

"Madeline!" my mother caught my wrist.

"I am not Madeline mom. I am not and I never was." the boy looked at his mother's face.

"Maddie, you are just confused. You will regret it. I know you will."

The blue eyed boy just shook his head in response, walking over to his room.

———

Hi, I am Louis. Yeah, I am not Madeline and I come from Doncaster.

I am currently at my mother's house but I go to uni in London. I finally mustered up the courage to tell her I have been taking testosterone shots for few weeks.

When I moved out I decided to visit a doctor.

It went well and after some more time of waiting I finally got prescribed testosterone. I was happy as never. Although I was scared of the needles and stuff at first, it turned out not to be bad at all. I am finally getting into it.

I live in my own apartment in London. Apart from studying, I am also working at McDonald's. It's not the best job but it gives me the money I need.

Well, I guess I told her and I can go back now. I packed few things from my room that I've been missing, like my favourite book, poster and my plushie. Yeah, I am almost twenty but this plushie is the one that I cried to when I felt terrible, when I felt like I am not Louis enough, when I felt like I will forever be Madeline.

"Goodbye." I exclaimed from the doorway. My mother appeared in the doorway soon after.

"Maddie, you just arrived. Come on, let's talk about this." she motioned to me.

"What exactly do you want to talk about?" I asked while getting my shoes on.

"Why?" she asked simply.

"Why? Because that's me mom. This is who I am." I answered in disbelief. How could she ask me this?

"No, you are Madeline Tomlinson. My little sweet daughter. Everybody always envied your beauty. Why would you take it all away?" she asked with glimpse of hurt in her voice.

"Because I didn't feel beautiful mom. I felt broken. I was telling myself I was broken everyday. You don't know how I felt and feel." and with those words I left the house.
I have to say... that I finally felt free. I finally told her.

I expected her to react that way, but to be honest it still hurt me...