Not my body | l.s.

3

Sweet.

I have been texting Harry for a week now but we still haven't seen each other in real life since our last encounter.

Harry: Louis?

Louis: Yeah?

Harry: Could we meet again? I would like to see you.

Louis: Oh, well, if you want.

Harry: You don't?

Louis: No, I do. I just don't want you to think I am weird or something. Maybe you will change your mind about talking to me.

Harry: I am sure I won't.

Louis: Okay then... I just. Is it like a date or a friendly meeting?

Harry: Louis...

Louis: So the second option.

Harry: You wouldn't go on a date with me?

Louis: I would, I would a hundred percent...

Harry: So... a date then? :)

Louis: Yeah.

I felt a little stone settling down on my chest.

He won't like me if I tell him I am not a 'real boy'. Well I am a boy, but I don't have what boys normally do...

Harry: Yes! Where do you wanna go?

Louis: Would you like to go to movies? I know it's cliche so... if you don't want to, it's okay.

Harry: I don't mind as long as you are there with me.

My heart fluttered at that.

Louis: Movies then. Do you have time this friday?

Harry: Yes, I do. See you at the cinema?

Louis: See you at the cinema. :)

———
I was currently preparing myself for the date. I have been feeling knots in my stomach ever since I returned from my last class.

I was staring at the rebound of myself in the mirror that I had in my bedroom.

I was standing there just in my boxers and a sweatshirt.

"He will not-" I sighed, rolling my jumper up to see the binder on my chest.

"He won't stay." I told myself. In the end I dressed into one of my favourite tshirts and some jeans, adding a denim jacket on top.

"Just enjoy it while you can." I whispered to myself, smiling sadly while making my way towards the door.

I was waiting in front of the shopping center where I met Harry the first time.
I kept walking around nervously, stopping when I could finally see him.

He looked amazing. His hair was all fluffy. He was dressed in black skinnies and a white tshirt with little boats all over it.

"Hi." that was so high pitched Louis.
"Hello." Harry chuckled, greeting me back.

"So... cinema?" I asked while staring up at him. This time my voice came off deeper.

"Yeah." Harry smiled, walking in first with me following him tight.

The more I was staring at him the more I was realizing I was not as manly, the more I was realizing I was still Madeline deep, deep under, even if I didn't want to. Will I ever stop feeling like this? Like not being enough of a man?

"What are we going to see?" Harry asked me once we arrived to the tills.

"You choose." I said back.

"Alright. Then, we can see the new Spiderman?"

"Sure we can." I said and paid for the tickets.

"What number is it?" Harry asked as we began to walk.

"Eh, number 3." I looked at the tickets to remember where our sests were supposed to be.

We made our way into the our room in complete silence.

"Here." I sat down into the further seat, letting Harry sit down next to me.
He did, getting comfortable in his seat.

He rested his hand on the handle of it and all I wanted to do in that moment was grab his hand and hold it in mine.

"Louis?"

"Mhm?" I hummed in his direction.

"Could we go get some food afterwards? I haven't eaten dinner yet."

"Oh sure, yeah." I smiled, noticing that the dark began to fall.

I wanted to concentrate on the movie but all I was able to think about was Harry's hand so close to my own.

I could also see him steal few glances at me. I don't know how, but I somehow managed to muster up all the courage in me...

I entwined our fingers, caressing his knuckles with my thumb.

As soon as that happened Harry relaxed and leaned more into his seat.
A small smile made it into my features and I couldn't feel any happier in that moment.

After the movie finished we walked without holding hands, but Harry changed that when he grabbed my hand, entwining our fingers together once again.

I glanced at him to see a content smile adorning his face. He was beautiful.

"Where do you want to eat?" I stopped walking, making Harry stop as well.

He rested his head on my shoulder before he mumbled "I don't care. Take me wherever you want."

"Alright." I led him into my favorite pizzeria that was in this mall.

We decided to split a pizza.

Harry was sitting next to me in the booth in silence, occasionally sucking on the straw from his drink. We were waiting for food and it was becoming a bit awkward. First dates are meant to be awkward, right?

"So, what's your favourite food? Wanna take you somewhere you like the next time." if only there will be one.

"I love italian so... this is perfect." he grinned.

"You work as a part time?" I asked next since he kept quiet.

"No, I work full time. I didn't get into university." he took his eyes down to his hands.

"Oh, that's okay. You don't need university to lead a happy life."

"I guess so but... I always had that dream of traveling the world and stuff. I don't have money for that."

"Maybe you will find some job that will provide you more money and you will be able to do so. The fate has it all planned out for you and I am sure you will have a wonderful life. You are such a nice person Harry." the boy blushed at my words.

"Thank you, Lou."
And how the tables have turned... I was the one blushing now.