are you happy yet?

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today you asked how im so happy. if you had asked me two weeks ago, i would've told you that my mental health had reached its highest point in eighteen years. but now my peppery energy comes from a combination of an ungodly amount of caffeine and the maximum doses of an antidepressant and antipsychotic. and yet i am still not happy. the moment im left alone with my thoughts it's almost as if my body yearns for desolation. for the comfort sadness.

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