This Love (Belly's Version)

Empty bed

"I cannot believe you all!"

My mom had just let the police officers out of the front door. Apparently someone called about Conrad's little dispute and they decided to shut down the entire party. I was secretly relived. My sobs had been down to a minimum by the time we made it home. Now my tears were dried and Conrad was sitting next to me. He made me feel better. He made me feel safe.

"Conrad, you're the oldest. You can't be getting in fights like this. Look at what happened to Belly."

Conrad doesn't look up at me and I cover my forming bruise with my hair. It wasn't really his fault. Something bigger was happening. It just seemed like everyone was too afraid to say it. But so far it wasn't my biggest stressor. I glance over to Jace, her back against the opposite wall. She gives me a small smile and I almost feel the tears come back. No, shove it down.

"Wait...what's that smell?"

Steven makes loud sniffing noises and I roll my eyes. My nose is still somewhat clogged so I can't smell what he's smelling.

"Is that...weed?"

My mom turns back into a teenager for a moment. Her eyes dart around and she tries to play it off.

"Lower your voice, Susannahs asleep on the couch."

Funny. She was always sleeping these days.

"Besides, this isn't about us. It's about you guys being irresponsible. And when did you leave the house in that dress?"

My moms eyes scan my body and I suddenly feel like I'm naked. I wrap my sweater around me and shrug,

"It's Taylor's."

My mom sighs and runs her hands through her hair. A common stress reliving tactic she'd learned a few years ago. She only used it when she was really stressed.

"Get to bed. All of you."

She waves us off and we all go in different directions. Jeremiah and Steven head to the kitchen and Jace goes to the bathroom down the hall. I feel my shoulders relax and I walk up the staircase. I just wanted my bed. I make it all the way to my door before someone put their hand on my shoulder.

"Jesus Conrad!"

I push his hand off of me, trying to catch my breath. He's seemed to sober up a little more now. His eyes can actually look at me and his face has more expression.

"You know...."

Conrad pauses and sighs. He moves his hair out of his face and his blue eyes become clearer.

"You know I support you always, right?"

Alcohol made him way too sentimental. I nod and giggle. I always knew he had soft spot for me, even if he could be a little mean.

"I'm serious Belly."

His fingers run the other edge of my hair and I feel that same cold feeling. Like that day on the beach with Jeremiah.

"I support you. Whoever you choose."

What?

"Night Bells."

Conrad's fingers leave my hair and he turns back to walk downstairs. Whoever I choose? What was he saying? I watched as he disappeared and Jaces curly hair came into view. I feel the annoyance return and I open my door, pushing it closed behind me. I sit in my bed and Jace comes in a moment later.

"Ok, I know you saw me coming up the stairs."

I shrug and make myself look at the wall. Jace scoffs and walks back out, slamming the door behind her. I jump at the noise. I shouldn't be so mean, I know that. But she should stop making me feel so weird. It's a simple ask. I fall back against the bed and close my eyes. Why did I keep doing all of this? Going from being nice to mean in the span of an hour. Something has to be wrong with me. I unbutton my shorts and shimmy them off of myself. I ball them up and send them flying across the room, listening as they hit the floor. I didn't really feel like finding any pajamas to put on. I sit up and get under the covers, taking my side by the window. I close my eyes and try to not think about how empty the bed felt.

I hadn't even realized I fell asleep until I opened my eyes and saw the sun begin to peak out in the sky. I tried to move but their was someone next to me. She was next to me. Her back was touching mine and our feet were ontop of eachother. I expected the confusion and anger to come back. But instead I felt relaxed, almost giddy at the contact. Her skin glowed in the gentle light and I fought the urge to run my fingertips over the smooth skin. Why couldn't it feel like this all the time? Why was this room, this bed, the only place that felt right for me to look at her like this? Like more than...more than a friend. I close my eyes again and try to stop the questions from filling my brain all over again.