Leavitt Stafford and the Awful, Terrible, Not Very Nice Plan.

Chapter the Seventeenth: The Additional Infant

"What did Leavitt do?" enquired Montague, veiling his office in smoke and causing Marjorie's throat to feel rather ticklish. He puffed on his pipe and once again leaned uncomfortably close to her, bearing his familiarly choleric expression, though he was merely pondering the matter.

"Could you please step away from me?" Marjorie was once again finding herself becoming irritated by his utter lack of what was considered to be appropriate decorum. Why could he not comprehend the importance of personal space? Why must it even be said that he was standing too close? Why was he so foolish?

Montague complied with the request and began to flap his left hand, which was not holding the pipe. "What did Leavitt do?" he repeated.

"Earlier, I spied him in the dress he had stolen..."

"I see." Montague began to spin around in circles, and Marjorie felt the sense that he was not of this world, for he would always behave in such a dreadfully peculiar manner. She wondered if he behaved so because he had been dropped on his crown in his infancy, for there was no other explanation aside from the occult. "What was he doing? I believe he may have been using the dress as a means to carry out misdeeds without arousing suspicion."

"Well," Marjorie said, "he was carrying a handbag in which I could hear the clinking of glass. I entered his bedroom earlier and peered beneath the floorboards, for I could hear creaking emanating from the window, and I discovered Elixir Mariani! But what the devil could he be doing with it?"

Montague ceased the spinning and furrowed his eyebrows. "That is strange."

"It is strange indeed! I feel that he is using them to commit sinister acts, though I haven't the faintest idea what those sinister acts could be..."

"I am inclined to believe it to be murder, though I have never witnessed Elixir Mariani used as a poison."

So it was an act of murder... "We must stop him before it is too late!" cried Marjorie.

"No," stated Montague calmly after blowing out a puff of smoke, "for we shall be killed."

"But others shall be killed if we don't stop him!"

"They shall be killed even if we attempt to stop him, for he shall kill us and we shan't be able to do a thing if we are dead." He stated this as though it were a fact, and he then continued: "I witnessed a possessed flying policeman, and he informed me that Leavitt would face retribution, though he would not explain why. He also informed me that I should kick behind myself, which I believe to be most nonsensical and unacceptable, for I do not condone violent behaviour."

Marjorie felt as though she had missed some information of utmost importance, for the words which had sprung forth from Montague's mouth were truly absurd! "Excuse me?"

"Yesterday, I encountered a possessed flying policeman who informed me of the retribution which Leavitt would face, and he insisted that I kick behind myself and enjoy a show," Montague repeated as though he had not uttered the words of a madman.

"But that is impossible! People cannot fly!"

"That is correct, though only in cases in which they are not possessed."

Inside the living room, the children had been assigned the task of caring for the two infants, for Magnolia was listening outside the office door to ensure that Montague was not being disloyal. The more despicable of the infants derived great enjoyment from this, for it had crawled towards the sketchbook of the melancholy boy and torn it apart, thus causing him to sit alone in a corner and weep. Oh, how the infant loved watching others weep! Before its divine task was complete, it wished to bring every individual in this household to tears, although that would be an extraordinarily difficult feat in the case of Mr. Montague, for the infant did not know whether the man even possessed the ability to weep.