✅ A Dose of Humiliation

30. Rules

This bonus chapter is for reqresser, my newest supporter on Patreon. Thank you! Everyone supporting me is so amazing!
If you'd like me to refer to you by a different name or tag your Wattpad username, just let me know ☺

"I need rules," I said. "They need to be reasonable, and fair. And things that you'll be able to see right away if I break them, so that the chemicals hit my brain before the new synapses have solidified. And I think that drinking to excess should be one of them."

Dad didn't jump at the chance to hurt me more. This time he knew that it really was the right thing to do, but he couldn't walk into the next room and pretend everything was good. We agreed on a couple of rules, and a scale of punishments. And because I'd taken a swig of rum before going out on a Saturday morning, he dialled one of the injectors up to two days extension, and pressed it against my arm. It hurt, and the discomfort spread through my body just like it had before. But this time I wasn't mad; I knew that I needed this, no matter how bad it made me feel right now.

"Thank you," I mumbled, while dad held my hand.

"We need to remind you of that every time you do something problematic?" Mum still seemed nervous. "If you'll listen to us, we don't need to give you that stuff. Do we?"

"As far as I can understand, from what Serena's found online and Elspeth checked up on it, the booster shots are supposed to suspend the habit-forming effect of the drugs. So if I do something bad and you give me a boost right away, it should inhibit the formation of that habit. It'll be tough, because my instincts are still on the wrong track. But if I catch myself, I'll try to tell you. Until I can get the antidote, anyway."

"I'm glad you're doing this," Dad was less supportive. "Accepting that you have a problem is the first step to correcting it."

"And when are you going to admit to your problem?" I snapped. I tried to shut down my anger right away, knowing that I would never have yelled at him like that before. But in a second, I knew that the change here wasn't in me. I was angry because Dad had crossed a line; and that anger seemed justified. But it was still hard to be sure. "You tricked me. You gave me a drug that's taken away my self control, so I can't say no to anyone. Do you have any idea how it makes me feel? This isn't any kind of punishment, this is me suffering to let you escape the consequences of your illegal and immoral behaviour. Yes, I know it's a problem. But you won't get me begging for your support again. This isn't fair, and you can't tell me you're doing the right thing. But I've accepted that I can't get over what you've done to me without help. Fair would mean you're the one going through this, in a cell with a warden watching over you. And I have no hesitation in saying that's what you deserve. But I wouldn't wish this on anyone, no matter what they've done. Understand? Don't talk down to me, Dad. The only reason you're not in jail right now is because I'm still more responsible than you."

I closed my eyes then, wishing I could call back the torrent of words. Right now I couldn't know how much of that tirade was my realt feelings, and how much was darkness thrown up by trying to turn over every piece of my mind. After a long breath I looked up at Mum, hoping I hadn't hurt her too much.

"I feel I should scold you for speaking to your elders like that," she said, and gripped my hand. "But... you're right. We allowed the man who was accusing you to administer a punishment, and never considered that he would lie to us. We should have known better, and if there's anything we can do to help you cope, we will."

Dad opened his mouth like he was going to say something; probably imply that it was my own fault he'd believed me to be a troublemaker. But he hesitated, and I knew there was something else behind that thin frown.