✅ A Dose of Humiliation

35. Admission

Author's Note: Not sure if you can tell, but this story is running miles away from my original plan. Maybe I'll get it back on track soon, or find a different kind of resolution on this path.

"I'm only human," Josh said. "But now I think you really need to get back to your parents' rules. Right? And no excuses unless you're really sure that's who you want to be."

I was still horny. I wondered if I was visibly sweating, and if the urge to take my clothes off was coming from the temperature or the drugs. It was a real effort not to touch him as he led me back to his car and held the door open. His hand rested on my knee for a moment, and it felt like the most affection someone had ever shown me; just one touch was everything I could want. But it didn't last; he withdrew his hand again, and I knew that if I asked I would only get the same answer as before. He wanted me, I knew that, but he wouldn't take me until I could prove that my desire for him was my own choice. I wished there was some way I could do that.

We didn't actually drive back to the school. Jodie and Nikki met me outside. Elspeth was with them, but as soon as the car stopped she was striding around to give Josh a piece of her mind."

"El!" I called out as I stood up. "Stop! This is on me. He's taken time away from his friends to make sure I got back safely."

"And to take advantage of you on the way, I bet," she growled. "Girl, I can see you're wasted. And there's no way this has just been innocent drinks with your friends."

"No," I said, and shook my head. "No, it's not innocent at all. It was an orgy. And I threw myself into that head first, didn't even hesitate."

"Wow, so you–"

"No, I didn't. I would have done. I was begging for it. But as soon as Josh understood that I wasn't going into that voluntarily, he shut it down. I could see how hard it was for him to turn me down, but he did. And that's why I think he's still a nice guy. I mean... he's a bad boy, for sure. Skipping class and drinking in school. But he won't let me join in with that unless I can prove that I know what I'm doing. And he doesn't want to see me destroy myself."

I realised that I'd been staring at Elspeth as I spoke, and I couldn't tear my eyes away as she rejoined us and Josh's car drifted away. I found myself wondering just how muscular she was under that school uniform. And how it would feel to–

"Ugh," I gasped. "What's wrong with me? I can't stop thinking about..."

"Lust?" Jodie put it more diplomatically than I expected. "Yeah, I can see that. It's an emotionally charged situation. I mean, what's happened to you, and a... what you've been doing as well. Tell me that's not your first time, you're going to be in a real state, trying to–"

"No!" I exclaimed in shock. "I didn't actually... I would have done, and I know how stupid that is, but I couldn't help myself. But as soon as Josh understood that it wasn't really me, he stopped me. I haven't... I mean... I've never really been into guys. Not that much. Or drugs."

"Drugs?" Nikki asked, and I thought she would be a good mother someday. Just the right amount of suspicion and disappointment in her tone, and the kind of silence that begged you to fill it up.

"I didn't mean to!" I said. "Last time... the first time I skipped class, I knew I was getting drunk. I knew it's a problem, so I grabbed something that clearly wasn't booze. It looks like a kid's juicebox, like a disposable plastic thing with a built-in crazy straw. I didn't even know what it was, until I reached for another one and Josh said he thought it's affecting me more than I realised. I looked it up after that, found out what it was, and promised myself I'd never do that again."