✅ A Dose of Humiliation

34. Whatever He Wants

I laughed a little when I felt the vibration. At that point I wasn't quite in the right frame of mind to know what it was or what it meant, but I felt like I could give up on thinking for now. I was wedged between Josh and one of his friends, I wasn't quite sure who, and pretty sure that it wouldn't be long before they went from just touching me to tearing my clothes off. I knew I wasn't supposed to behave like that, but right now I couldn't think of anything I wanted more.

"Somebody wants you," Josh said with a smirk.

"Is it you?"

But he held up my phone, still vibrating in his hand, and I could see that Marcie was calling me.

"It can wait," I whimpered, only thinking about how close I wanted to be. But the alarm bells were ringing in the back of my head, and I shook myself to see if that would chase them away. The approval of my friends was important to me. And if I was trying something new that came between us, that was a sign it was a bad thing. As much as every instinct was screaming at me, I fought them down. I would never ignore my closest friends. I answered the call, and did my best to stay silent as his fingers were freed up to tease me.

"Mmm-hmm?" I said, to let her know that I had picked up. I didn't trust myself to speak right now, even if it had only been a minute or two after I found the pink bottle in my hand.

"Lorna? Are you okay?" It was Jodie's voice; probably Marcie still didn't want to talk on the phone with her impediment.

"Mmmhmm," I answered again, doing my best to maintain my composure as I pressed myself harder against Josh's fingers. I couldn't stop, the idea didn't even seem feasible, but I needed to talk to my friend.

"You told us to call if you're late for class. Serena thought you were talking to Eversen and his cronies, so we let morning registration slip by. But you're missing classes now, and we promised we wouldn't let you do that. You need to come back now. If you can still finish your work for the class, he says it's your choice if you get the booster. But I know how much this meant to you. And I don't want to lose you. You can finish explaining later, can't you?"

I didn't say anything. Garth's hand came closer to end the call; maybe he thought that it was stressing me out. But I slapped his hand away, and shook my head. I knew that Jodie was right; she was pushing me to come back exactly because she knew how important attendance was to me. Not specifically for school; I wasn't top of the class, but I was doing well enough that missing a couple of lessons now wouldn't make a significant difference to my academic record. But because it was a new habit building up in my brain, and I didn't want to start becoming unmotivated and unreliable.

"Wait," I muttered, my mic muted, and looked up at Josh. I knew I couldn't stop him now, I didn't even want to, but I hoped he would be able to take the hint. He moved away a little, and his hands stopped their irresistible dance across my body. I automatically moved forward, trying to get back in reach of those teasing fingers. But he wouldn't touch me now, and I was desperate to feel him again. I needed him now, or someone. Anyone.

"You wanted to stop," he said. "You're fighting it, again. You can't make yourself stop, but you can let me know how you feel. Now, take a deep breath, and tell your friend what you need to. Okay? Then it's your choice."

I was craving their touch now. All of them. It was crazy, that was never something I would have been into. But I couldn't stop thinking about how good it would feel, or how much I needed it. This wasn't something I would ever have been comfortable with.

"Lorna, are you coming back, or do we need to drive over there and get you? Please, let me know we've not lost you already." Jodie was almost crying now; I'd never expected to hear her like that. She was always the strong one, when I wasn't filling the role myself, and I hated to think that I was hurting her so much just by experimenting with my instincts. It was only a touch, I told myself. She shouldn't be so emotional. I was having fun. And that was when I knew that I wasn't. I was doing things that were supposed to be incredible, and I was pushing myself through it because there wasn't anything else I could do. There was no choice there, no trust, no intimacy. Every stroke was disappointing, and just made me want more in the hope of finding the pleasure I'd been told would come when I got this close to someone. A bunch of boys pawing at me while drugs melted my brain wasn't my idea of fun. I was shaking now, but I could reach my phone, and I could turn the mic on now.