✅ A Dose of Humiliation

70. Sympathy

"Miss Peen!" The voice behind me was angry and determined. "If you leave now, I assure you that I will..." And then he was silent, probably recognising the smell of ammonia as my bladder refused my instructions. Tears filled my eyes; even after weeks of wetting the bed, I couldn't believe that I had wet myself in front of my whole math class. Or behind them, I guessed, but enough people were turning around now as they noticed the puddle under their feet, and they were all telling their friends to turn and look as I continued to wet myself. My skirt didn't even start to hide my humiliation, because my instinctive grab for my crotch in order to stop the flow had pressed the fabric against me, resulting in the skirt being completely soaked through at the front. For anyone who got a glance, there could be no mistaking what had happened.

"You!" the teacher spoke again, pointing at one of the boys in the crowd, who looked around in a moment of confusion, as if not sure why he was being singled out. "Yes, you. Go to the nurse's office and ask them to send someone. And you. Go to the janitor, tell him to bring the cleaning trolley. Everybody else, I know that some of you want to tell as many people as possible, but I would remind you that this could have happened to any of you. Think about how you would feel before you go blabbing to your friends. Now, everybody out of here. You have classes to go to. Lorna, you can stay in the classroom for a while. The nurse will have some spare clothes that you can change into before you have to go walking through the halls. Do you want a friend to stay with you?"

I couldn't find the words to respond. I was overwhelmed by the humiliation, and my heart was racing. Somehow, this was even more embarrassing than my misadventure with Skim.

"It's okay." It was Serena's voice, and her hand grasping mine to provide some comfort. "It's okay, Lorna. It's just the drugs, it doesn't say anything about you. You can get a change of clothes and then we'll get to Geography. Don't worry about it."

But I did worry. A teacher had scolded Serena for falling asleep in class, and that had made him a monster in my mind. I found myself exaggerating the things he said until I couldn't contain my anger, and then I'd gone completely off the rails. That was something I should be in trouble for. And I was embarrassed about wetting my pants; so humiliated that I had no idea how I was going to cope. But I could still understand that the peeing wasn't the biggest problem. If I was going to lose my temper like that just because somebody was yelling at my friend, I didn't know how I could possibly explain that to my parents.

"Are you okay, Lorna?" she asked again, and this time I forced a little nod.

"Can somebody explain this emotional display?" the teacher asked, and I realised at last that I couldn't even remember the guy's name. How could that have happened? He was just a face spouting trigonometry, I didn't care about who he was. And that scared me as well, because I realised that I would never think like that. I was losing my mind; everything that mattered was being torn away from me.

"You know Andy Becker? Todd's father?" Serena answered for me, and I was glad of that because the words weren't coming to my mind. It was like the scale of the embarrassment, and the rebound from that outrageous anger, had completely broken me.

"I know he recently left the school board. Is that relevant?"

"He was kicked off the school board. He's a white supremacist, and encourages his son's gang to terrorise any students with a different background. Lorna did first aid for one of their victims and called an ambulance. So of course, they tried to say that she'd attacked him when Todd next had a skateboarding accident, and presented the bullying committee with a bunch of lies. He didn't expect there to be video evidence proving him a liar."

"I kind of know the story," the teacher nodded. "I'm not supposed to say anything negative about board members, past or present, but..."

"You were glad to see him go. Everybody was. But he wanted to get revenge. So he went to Lorna's parents, gave them more false evidence that she'd been involved in a crime, and got her signed up for the Punishment Pill. They believed whatever they were told, and they signed the papers without reading. So now, as well as being subject to this kind of humiliation, she's got chemicals in her brain trying to completely erase her personality so she can start over as a polar opposite of who she really is."

"Is that even legal?"

"Only for kids with multiple criminal convictions, who have been deemed to have no redeeming qualities by a psychiatrist. Like I said, Becker got her parents to sign the approval form without reading what he'd written. So she's trying very hard to hold onto her morals, and sometimes it's harder than others."

I nodded, and tried to stay calm. Hearing her lay out the whole story like that, it made it hit even harder. I didn't want to lose who I was, but it was hard to know if there was even anything left. Was I still me, or just acting that way because I had all my friends to remind me?

"And you, Miss Tong?" he asked. "You're an anomaly, most of the rich kids know they can get away with more than the average student, but this is the first time I've seen anything from you. I would have thought that you were studiously paying attention; or perhaps spacing out and getting someone else to do your homework. But this is the first time I've seen you make it so obvious."

"I try to study," she said. "I take math seriously, because I want to go into biology in college, and that needs a statistics and number method certificate at least. It's just... Well, like Lorna said, I got the punishment pill as well. Any time I sit down, it can just knock me out. I'm still trying to work out how to get around it."

"I see. Your father thought that you needed punishment?"

"No. Becker again. Daddy's overseas on business, so Mr Pine is my designated adult. Becker said he'd drown the school in frivolous lawsuits unless he signs the form to give me the shot. Thankfully, we got a good chunk of their conversation recorded this time. So as soon as Daddy's back in the country, Becker is going to jail. Just a little inconvenience for now."

The silence lasted a few seconds, before one of the school nurses came in. Thankfully, it seemed that somebody had told him what was going on. There was a visible wet patch on my skirt, but he could offer me an emergency pack containing clean socks and underwear; as well as an unclaimed uniform skirt from the lost property office. And one thing he didn't say out loud, but opened the bag to show me. Diapers; in case it happened again. He didn't know what had caused my accident, but was apparently thoughtful enough to give me the choice. I was grateful for that.

"I'm sorry about the aggressive approach," the teacher said to Serena, while I retreated into the supply closet at the back of the classroom to get changed. "I wouldn't have reacted like that had I known that there was a reason for your apparent disinterest."

"It's fine," she said. "I mean... Nobody ever talked to me like that before, and it got my attention. I don't really mind, it's like a new experience for me. And probably sets a good example, letting some of the other kids know that money doesn't excuse everything."

I could actually laugh at that. Serena giving the teacher permission to punish her, to set a good example. I guessed that in reality, she was saying that because she wanted to experience being part of the other half. But this was all still a game for her; I needed to remind myself not to do that again.

I came out of the closet, looking presentable again. I'd chosen the diaper, in the end, because I had no idea whether I might need it. I hated that I had to think like that, but there was no way to pretend that it wasn't necessary now. I'd have to get used to being embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," I said to the janitor who was mopping the floor in the classroom. I said it again to the teacher, and to Serena. None of them seemed particularly upset, but that barely did anything to reduce my anxiety. And then we walked outside, heading over to the older school buildings for the next class. But we stopped pretty quickly when we saw Serena's car in the student parking area, and the gang of laughing thugs gathered around it. I could tell that the stressful part of today wasn't over yet.