XXI. Change of Heart

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A long-forgotten memory resuscitate in front of me

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A long-forgotten memory resuscitate in front of me. Not only is it shown, but I actually appear in it. Confounded, I took a look around the area. The gloomy and dark underworld has been replaced by a familiar house. How could I forget this place? This is where it all started.

It still has the same appearance as I recall. Our tiny home was located in a squatter area where gossip spreads faster than any virus. We only had one room, which me and my parents could hardly move due to the large plastic cabinets and some unnecessary things they refused to throw away. Mom used to cook "ginisang monggo" for us in our kitchen while my father and I crammed ourselves onto the only small dirty couch we had. He entertained me by cracking dad jokes and solving puzzles, which I used to enjoy a lot. Within this small house, we're much closer than ever.

 Damn, I cannot believe I survived in this place. 

"Ano ba 'yan, wala man lang handa." 

I turned to look at the little girl next to me. She's wearing her worn out uniform that looks tight on her. In her chest hangs a medal and in her right hand she holds a rolled piece of paper with a ribbon wrapped around it. Based on the tone of her voice, I know she's my 11-year-old self.

"Sina Carole at Georgina merong handa. Pati si Patpat na palaging tag te-tres na hotdog ang ulam sa tanghali ay nagpasyal sa mall para kumain ng chicken sa Jollibee. Mama, papa, naiinggit ako sa kanila." 

My heart feels heavy when she said those words. I was in envious of other kids back then. 

In front of her stood the two people I loathed. Although it has just been a year and a half since I last saw them, for some reason it seems like it's been a very long time. Something in me feels slightly strange. 

"Anak, naubos na ang perang inipon namin dahil nanakawan ako ka—" Dad was about to say something but mom immediately cuts him off.

Mama kneels in front of my younger self and softly caresses her round cheeks, "Pagpasensyahan mo na anak, naiintindihan kita. Huwag kang mag-alala, kakain tayo sa Jollibee bukas." 

Her face brightens, "Talaga?"

"Mhm-hmm, promise 'yan."

"Mama, hindi ako nakikipagbiruan ha. Promise mo 'yan, walang bawian. Pinky swear?"

"Pinky swear." Mom chuckles and intertwined her pinky finger with her.

"Kaya dapat matulog ka na ng maaga nang sa gayun ay hindi ka maiiwan sa lakad bukas." 

My younger version sprint to our room and tuck herself to sleep. I could hear her giggle as mom softly closed the door. I could sense the pure excitement and joy of a kid. 

I absolutely remember this moment. 

Ito ang araw na grumaduate ako ng elementary. Kabilang ako sa mga honor student nun, sa sobrang tuwa nina mommy and daddy pinagyabang nila sa buong barangay. Syempre proud na proud din ako sa sarili ko. Naalala kong kinindatan ko pa ang kapitbahay naming tsismosa sabay flex ng medal ko. Nainis siya dahil ang tanging alam lang nung  anak niyang mukhang octopus ay i-slutshame ang nanay ko. 

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