geminids [C. TARTAGLIA]

05

the first time it happened was when you were reincarnated as college students, meeting him again underneath a sycamore tree behind the university.

"have i... met you before?" was what you asked each other in unison.

and then it hit you, all the memories came back crashing like a giant wave, or a punch in the gut actually.

and then it occurred to you. for all your past lives, you always had to watch him die.

the first was when you died first after fighting scaramouche because of some gnosis. sure, childe lived, but in the end, still forfeited his life because of you. you knew he blamed himself for killing you, and you blame yourself for not being able to save him. the reincarnations began to happen right after that.

the next was him dying in your arms, the prince faded away as he confessed to you with his dying breath. not long after you managed to get revenge that you followed him soon after.

and then you lived as high school students. it was an innocent life honestly, but that was until you got into university that childe got into an accident while buying something for you as an anniversary gift. it was all a blur at this point– you could only remember the important details.

you continue thinking about all the other lives you've been reincarnated as, such as being an archon yourself and having to watch childe–a mortal– die because of some reason you chose to bury in your memories. it wasn't until after that that you began to actually remember your past lives.

it was probably your 25th time. out of nowhere, it was like you suddenly gained consciousness as you stared at him from under that tree, and had to excuse yourself and tried not to throw up from what you just realized.

why, why were you suddenly remembering your past? and cruelly, how he died in each one?

it was then you decided that you were to save him in every timeline you woke up to. 

for the first few, you told him about reincarnations. he was gullible enough to believe it, but soon after you would tell him the truth would he meet his end. you chose not to tell him the next time.

time and time again it happened, he would always die in your arms for the most part. time and time would you meet him again in a new life, trying your best not to cry because you'd remember the state he was in not long ago.

he would come back unscathed, but it would end with him meeting his demise. 

and every time you tried to save him, but failed. you never succeed no matter how hard you try to prevent it. it was as if you were stuck in a time loop with a never-ending curse to see the one you love die over and over.

how many times has it been? how many lives have you had up until this point? 35? it could be more, you lost count at the 25th– not that it matters anyway.

there were numerous times where you were so close to breaking down, but the thought of childe dying again... you wanted none of that anymore. he didn't deserve his cruel end every time. you blamed yourself for not finding a solution faster.

this time, your life as a sith, you had a feeling that was different compared to the rest. somehow, this was a timeline where you knew something was bound to change.

for the better or for worse, you had no idea.

°

"what'd you talk about?" childe asked when you finally caught up to him. he heard you speaking with scaramouche a little right after he left the training room.