hemming and hawing

Chapter 15

Everything was pure bliss. They say, time flies so fast when you are happy. Indeed it's true, I can't believe we are now living together in his condo for one whole year, it means we are now one year and three months in a relationship.

But life is not always rainbows and butterflies, there were times we had a little misunderstanding but nothing we can fixed by talking with each other. We never let a day passed without talking and sorting things out. We ar good in communicating with each other and we are so happy together. Or... That's what I thought.

Bakit bumili ka pa ng mug? May mug sa condo di ba? I told you to use it.

I know, pero kasi mas gusto ko yung style nito. Gagamitin ko pa rin naman yung binigay mo. Gusto ko lang din try na gumamit nito, cute kaya may bamboo lid. I said cheerfully

Just please use the one I gave you. That's more special, it's from me.

Yun pa rin naman ang favorite ko, I just want this too. Maybe I should also buy one for you, para couple mugs pa rin like the one you gave me?

No, hindi ko kailangan ng iba. I already have a mug, we both already have one. Just please use the one I gave you.

Okay, sa office ko na lang ito gagamitin. Let's sleep?

He didn't bother to say a good night. He just turned his back against me. I don't know that buying a new mug will make him this upset. If I had known edi Sana hindi ko na binili.

Days passed by, and everything went back to normal. He apologise for acting the way he did, and he told me to use whatever I want, basta huwag kong babaliwalain yung mug na ibinigay niya. I don't want him to feel upset about it so I bring the mug I bought at home and then used it if ever the mug he gave me has been used already and still unwashed. Dalawa silang ginagamit ko, pero I always make sure na mas madalas kong magamit yung couple mug namin.

However, one Sunday happened, it's our day off. I decided to clean our unit. While mapping out floor, I accidentally hit the vase and it fell on the floor. He must heard the noise because he ran out of the room, he was about to go near me until he saw the pieces of the vase scattered on the floor. While I am trying to clean the mess I unintentionally did, he asked in a serious tone, What happened?

Nagmamap kasi ako tapos nasagi ko yung vase kaya nabasag, don't worry ako na maglilinis.

Paano ka ba magmap at kailangan pang masagi yung vase?

Ha? Hindi ko rin kasi napansin namalapit pala sa likod ko yung vase kaya natamaan ko. I said, while trying to pick up the pieces of the broken vase

Do you know how important that vase is? He asked and I can sense that he's trying his best not to shout at me

I'm sorry, hindi ko naman sinasadya. Hindi ko gustong nabasag, don't worry mamaya lalabas ako, papalitan ko na lang.

Don't bother, you can't replace it.

He said and then he went back to our room. After a few seconds he went back but he went straight to the door and started to leave.

Saan ka pupunta?

I need to clear my mind, babalik din ako. And please, huwag mo ng palitan, hindi mo naman mapapalitan dahil nag-iisa lang yan.

He said, without looking at me. Hindi ko alam pero parang sumikip ang dibdib ko sa sinabi niyang Hindi ko mapapalitan dahil nag-iisa lang.sobrang mahal ba nitong vase para di ko kayaning palitan? Bakit parang nasasaktan ako?

Hindi ko na lang pinansin yung nararamdaman ko and I just continued cleaning the entire condo just as I planned. Pero halos alas nuwebe na hindi pa rin siya bumabalik, wala rin siyang tawag, text o chat sa akin. I decided to eat my dinner and prepare for bed, while doing my night routine I heard him knocking at our bedroom door so I opened it for him, nagtataka pa ko bakit siya kumakatok,

Flowers? Sorry I was jerk. Imbis na tulungan kita kanina maglinis nagalit pa ko. Ni hindi man lang kita natanong kung nasugatan ka ba. I'm so sorry love, I'm sorry. He said while hugging me.

It's okay love, I understand. Sorry rin for being careless

Deep in my heart I know his actions hurt me, but he's here now in front of me admitting his mistakes and saying sorry, syempre tatangapin ko. I love him, so I should be more understanding. Wala rin naman mangyayari kung papatagalin ko pa. Oo nasaktan ako, pero papatawarin ko rin naman siya so bakit hindi pa ngayon?

Kinabukasan, I went to the mall with him. I had to buy a gift for my secretary, while looking around I saw the vase section. I suddenly had the urge to ask him about it.

Love, can I ask you a question?

Of course, pero kiss muna?

Sir nasa mall po tayo, mamaya pag-uwi, okay lang?

Sure, pero may tubo ah. 1 kiss for each hour na lilipas until we got home.

Hay nako, wag na. Umuwi na tayo.

Joke lang ito naman, sige na ano na yung tanong mo?

Bakit hindi ko pwedeng palitan yung vase na nabasag ko?

I can see uncertainty in his eyes when he heard my question. He took a deep breath, put his arm around my shoulder as we walk

Ayaw kong mahiparan ka pang maghanap ng katulad nung vase kasi wala naman kapareho yun. It's a customized vase given by my grandmother so walang mabibili na ganoon

Sorry.. that's all I could say. Kahit naman siguro ako maiinis Kung masira yung regalo ng lola ko sakin lalo at specifically made for me.

It's okay, besides it is just a vase. You're my girlfriend, you are more important than any other things. Please keep that in mind.

I love you.

Ito na ba yung part na ikikiss mo ko?

Bwisit! Ikaw magbayad nito, hinaharot mo Lang ako!

I said while walking away from him, naaasar lang ako lalo sa tawa niya. Pero kahit ganoon gustong gusto ko pa rin siyang tingnan, at habang nakatingin ako sa likuran Niya habang nakapila siya sa cashier, nararamdaman kong Hindi siya komportable. Is it because he can feel my stare o may iba pang dahilan?

On our way home nobody dares to talk, he would hold my hand while he drives from time to time but I can feel that there is something bothering him. I tried to ask him but he told me that he is tired and there is nothing wrong. Gusto kong maniwala na pagod lang siya pero pakiramdam ko hindi siya nagsasabi ng totoo.

Since then I knew everything between us became different. He no longer insist to drive me to office every morning, he no longer sends me a message during lunch, he often join me for dinner, he always go home later than usual, he no longer kiss me goodbye, he no longer hold my hand whenever he drives, he no longer cuddles me to sleep, he no longer calls me love, he no longer say that he loves me. He is no longer him.