love lost

-

I've noticed a negative change in myself over the past few weeks.
I thought maybe I was just going back to a bad place again like i normally do
or maybe I'm still upset about the accident that happened months ago.
but I realized now that's not it,
it's you.

it's you that's killing me
it's the memory of that night that's killing me slowly.
I can't seem to forget the way you were that night
it all seemed so real
like it actually meant something
but now I'm sitting here
and we haven't spoken in weeks
and i finally realized that the way i felt that night
you felt the complete opposite.

so, I hope you know how slowly you are killing me.
i hope you know how much i have changed in the past 6 weeks since it happened.
i hope you know how i stay up all night hoping you text,
hoping you apologize for disappearing.
hoping you say you were just confused and just needed time.
hoping you say you really do care about me
but i know it will never happen.

and i foolishly won't give up with you,
text after text
even if you never answer
I won't stop trying.
it's pathetic i know it is
but i care about you too much for this to be it,

for this to be the end of a relationship that barely started.