love lost

mind

I remember the night the ambulance came
I don't know what was going through my head
I think i was just tired
exhausted.

i had been fighting for years and no one knew.
after years and years of voices in my head screaming
telling me im not good enough
telling me to listen to what they are saying
i finally did.

i saw the bottle and took it.

i felt an overpowering pain overcome my body
my eyes couldn't even see straight and i could barely move.

I didn't want to die
I don't think I ever wanted to die
I wanted the pain to,
I wanted the voices to.

the sirens were loud
and it took me awhile to understand everything was real
to understand what was really happening and
to understand I won't be home for a while.

disappointment overcame me
on the ride to the hospital
i was praying it would work
i was praying that my heart beat would slowly give out.

i wanted out
and i still want out
but
i've come to the realization that even though things are bad now it will eventually be okay.

no matter in how many years that may be
it will be okay.

so if you are reading this right now keep fighting.
keep moving forward.
you have dreams you want to achieve
so achieve them.
you have places you want to travel so go see them.
you may lose people along the way of your journey in life but keep doing you.
do what's best for you.
and no matter what keep fighting.