Week 6 • Nola

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*** A/N: This is a LONG one. Nola's side of what is going on took lot more words to explain (like 1,500 more words) and I felt like when I tried to take any of it out, it hurt the overall understanding of what she is thinking and feeling. So, find a comfortable spot and enjoy :)

Time alone with myself isn't at all what I remember before the girls. Today feels heavy. It's been five hours since I was at Harry's house and for most of those five hours, I have been replaying everything he said in my head.

"You are beautiful, you don't need to change..."

"It makes this feel more real..."

"You don't want anything from me but my company..."

I know those are probably the innocent words of a friend, but I can't help but want to read more into it. Then, when I let my mind wander and read more into it, I feel crushing guilt. Guilt because I shouldn't be thinking anything remotely romantic about anyone but Luke, but Luke isn't here and Luke can't say those things to me anymore.

Then, I focus on the fact that the person saying those things to me has a whole other life that I don't know anything about. Hell, I barely know anything about the life he has showed me. The repercussions of reading more into it with someone like Harry Styles could end badly on so many fronts, because I have a whole other life that he doesn't know about, too.

So, that is where the weight of the situation starts to make an innocent day out with my friend, Harry, suddenly feel very heavy. I'm snapped out of my circular thoughts by a dinging phone on my nightstand.

----- Message from Harry -----

Harry: Can we start the day with a run?

Nola: Sure. What time?

Harry: Is 7:30 too early? I have plans for us at 8:00.

Damn. I wanted to sleep in.

Nola: I can make 7:30 work, but I might want to take a nap later.

Harry: We can do that.

Nola: Sounds good. See you at 7:30.

----- End of message -----

I got to bed way later than planned, failing to quiet my thoughts until well after 2am. Needless to say, my 7:05 alarm was snoozed and growled at. When it rang out again at 7:14, I knew I couldn't put off getting up any longer.

I am not going for anything impressive this morning. That ship has sailed so many times with Harry that it's practically on the other side of the world. So, I splash some cold water on my face, brush my teeth and slide into running shorts with a sports bra and a tank top that says, 'Fuck It' because that is really how I am feeling about today after my bitch of a brain kept me for half the night.

I walk down to find Harry on his driveway, obviously packing the car for later. "You ready?" he  asks while closing the garage door.

"So, you might want to bring your wallet for our stop."

"Do I need my whole wallet, or can I just grab some cash?"

"Grab a credit card and some cash. I don't know how much you want to spend," he tells me and now all the scenarios of where we could be running to requiring money go through my mind. In a normal, pre-Covid, world I would assume we are going out to eat or something, but that is not a thing right now.

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