The Weeks Between • HS

Week 17 • Nola

*** A/N- Thank you for 23K!

When you're a child, you're taught to dream about your future. To dream about the job you want or the family you want to have. The younger you are, the fewer limitations there are on what that future, or those dreams, can look like.'You want to be the queen of England? Sounds like the perfect job, little one'. However, as you get older, you learn that there are some things that are unattainable for certain people, ie- being born into the royal family to be the Queen of England.

I grew up with money, so that was never a barrier to living out my dreams in my future. Though what I thought I wanted to do for a profession changed, many times, I always had a husband and beautiful children by my side while I was doing said job. There wasn't a single version where I was doing this life alone. Not a single version had me packing my bags to take a week alone, a year after my husband died, to try and get over him. Yet, here I am.

"You almost ready sugar?" Albert says softly from the hallway.

"Yeah. Just let me say goodbye to the girls." I tell him, heading next door where Mia and Lottie are playing in Barbieland with Hope.

"Girls," I say, sitting down between then. Mia crawls over to my lap and Lottie leans up against my side. "I have to get going soon, but you are going to have so much fun with Grammy and Papa. Auntie Hope will be here for a few days, as well."

"Why do you have to go?"

"We talked about this bug." I say, running my hands through Mia's hair. "Mama needs to go and see some friends and it isn't a place that is very fun for kids. There won't be any other kids there to play with."

"But I miss you," she pouts.

"Of course, I will miss all three of you, so much, but I wouldn't go if I didn't think you were going to have the best time here!" I say, trying to sound overly confident in my choice and holding back tears at the same time. There is nothing I hate more than leaving my girls, abut where I was going, they couldn't go along. I knew that. Helen and Albert knew that, and Hope did (somewhat), as well.

"How many sleeps?" Lottie asks, trying to remain emotionless and logical.

"I made you that calendar, remember. The one with the glittery paper chain?" I say, pointing to the wall in their room. "Each night before you go to bed, starting tomorrow, you get to take a piece of paper off and then you can count how many sleeps. So, there are seven sleeps." Both girls give me pathetic pouts and the guilt crawls up from deep down inside my soul, but Hope pulls me out of their trance just in time for me to NOT cancel my trip. "I love you, so much. Be good girls for me, OK?"

"I will," Lottie promises before Mia adds,  "me, too." Then, I leave their room and meet Albert at the bottom of the stairs with Hattie.

"I'm going to feed her once more before I go," I tell Albert and he gives me a nod. "I'll bring your bag to the car and wait for you there." I wish I could bring Hattie with me. There is a good chance that this could be the end of me breastfeeding her, and I really wish...I just wish I could bring her, but it's for the best that I don't.

"Hattie girl, you be good for Grammy and sleep all night," I say and she giggles, twisting my hair as she feeds, looking up  at me with her piercing eyes that have started to change from their initial blue/green to more of a bright olive color, just like her dads. All too soon, she is finished and I find myself handing her off so Albert and I can hit the road.

"You have a wonderful week," Helen says, as her eyes fill with tears. She pulls back from embracing me and gives me the most genuine soft smile.

"I will. Thank you for watching them."